真实事件改编
警察
亚利桑那州 凤凰城
克莱顿大道
兄弟们 准备开战 Gentlemen! Lock and load!
致胜女王
康妮卡明斯基 你被捕了 亮出手来 手举高 Connie kaminski, you're under arrest. Show me your hands. Show 'em!
对 那是我 康妮卡明斯基 Yep, that's me. Connie kaminski.
吓到吃手手 And holy shit, that was scary.
我差点尿床 他们干嘛不敲门 I mean, I almost wet the bed. I don't know why they didn't just knock.
这是个关于优惠券的故事 人见人爱的优惠券 I mean, this is a story about coupons. Little old coupons. They j...
这样吧 我从头说起 You know what? I should probably start from the beginning.
嗨 又是我 Hiya. Me again.
从这里开始正好 Okay, yeah. This is the perfect place to start.
优惠券送杯杯
说来有趣 Here's a fun fact:
我是三届的奥运竞走冠军 I'm a three-time gold-medal-winning olympic racewalker.
但有人在乎吗 And you know what that's worth out in the real world?
我连屁都不是 Absolutely nothing.
知道有多少奥运选手都没名气 Did you know most olympic athletes aren't famous?
包准也没多有钱 And they sure as heck aren't rich.
谷哥一下就知道 专心看 等会聊 Go ahead, look it up. I mean, not now, but, you know, later.
我退休了 但我不认输 And, yeah, I may have retired, but I don't quit.
我认为无论做什么 都要全力以赴 I figure no matter what you do, give it all you got.
嗨 嗨 佛罗斯太太 Hola. Hola, Mrs. Flores.
有我的优惠券吗 Do you have my coupons?
当然(外语）
好棒棒 Oh. Super-duper.
等等 Hey.
你知道的 You know what,
卫生纸永远都不够 对吧 you can never have too much toilet paper, right?
好好享用 Okay, enjoy.
瑞克卡明斯基 国税局稽核员
带件外套 天气预报说克里夫兰会下雨 You might wanna pack a jacket. The weather showed rain in Cleveland.
我看到你又给送报姐免费的好东西了 Oh, um, hey, did I just see you giving the paper lady a bunch of stuff for free?
瑞克 她生活很辛苦 Rick, she's barely getting by.
但她有工作 Yeah, but at least she has a job.
你钱花太凶了 And you are spending money that we don't have.
我不是花钱 我是替家里省钱 I am not spending money. I am saving us money.
这是我老公瑞克 少来 This is my husband Rick. You literally are.
他在国税局工作 He works for the IRS.
他的工作就是挑人毛病 And his job is to look for people's mistakes.
我去拿 I'll get it.
这是什么 新买的 What's this? Is this new?
这里有好几打的洗衣精吧 There's, like, 50 jugs of tide.
这是优惠券上的必买好物 It's couponing 101.
洗衣精的特价期限是半年 当然要囤货 When tide hits a six-month stock-up price, you stock up, okay?
那些洗衣精值400美元 我只花了57元 That's 400 dollars' worth of detergent that I got for $57.
我妈也用过优惠券 My mom used coupons...
我们以前不常吵钱的事 We didn't always argue about money.
我们是决定生小孩后才开始吵 It was only after we tried to start a family.
人工生殖中心
我们一试 再试 And we tried. And we tried.
余额71,545.17元
然后再尝试 And we tried.
然后终于中了 And then, it finally happened.
我们原本会有个女娃 We were going to have a girl.
但我还是流产了 But I just couldn't get to the finish line.
过不久 我们什么都不吵了 After that, for a while we didn't argue about anything.
瑞克经常需要出差工作 Then Rick discovered he could travel more for work.
现在他每个月离家三周 Now he's gone three weeks out of every month.
凤凰城天港国际机场
但不要紧 But that's okay.
不然我就 'Cause if that didn't happen,
不会认识我好闺蜜裘裘 I might not have met my best friend, jojo.
照过来 裘裘让你爽爽赚 Yo, yo, yo! It's time to save with jojo.
为何我这么爱优惠券 Here is the thing I love about coupons.
我能控制时间 我能控制收入 I control my time, I control my income,
我能控制生活品质 I control my life.
裘裘本周最优惠在这里 So, jojo's deal of the week is right here...
你确定有控制好收入 You sure as shit doing a good job controlling your income.
妈 因为你破产了 Mom. 'Cause you ain't got no money.
别闹 妈 别闹啦 Stop. Mama, no. Stop it!
我正忙着打造我的品牌 You know I'm just... I'm over here busy trying to build my brand
我要当个成功的企业家 as a successful entrepreneur.
我自己就是执行长 I'm my own ceo.
执行长 你说什么鬼话 Ceo! What the f are you talking about?
你只是没业绩的三流销售员 You nothing but a saleswoman that don't make no sales.
妈 创业不容易 Yeah, mama, that's a business. Sometimes you don't make sale...
你听过乔布斯吗 You ever heard of Steve Jobs?
你又懂什么了 What do you know about a job?
随便 你继续嘴炮 我要去隔壁了 Okay, mama. You be like that. I'm going next door.
你干嘛成天跟那女的混 Why you gotta spend so much time with that girl?
你和她拿着食物券到处逛 You and her carting around all them food stamps.
那不是食物券 是优惠券 They're not food stamps. They're coupons.
白人能用 黑人就不行吗 White people use them. Why can't we?
那如果白人跳桥 Oh, so if white people were jumping off a bridge...
我的天 又来了 Oh, my gosh. Again.
就算白人跳桥 No, if white people were jumping off a bridge,
我也不会跟着跳 你这什么态度 I would not jump off a bridge. Why you got such a damn attitude?
你老是在抱怨白人 You're always talking about white people! Like, no, of course not!
烦死人了 Get on my nerves.
哈利路亚 赞美上帝 看谁来了 Oh, hallelujah, praise the lord. Look who's here.
省钱救星 要出门喔 屎瑞克 The savior of savings. What up, Rick dick?
有个问题 Oh, hey, I had a question for you.
有谁见到你感到开心吗 Um, has anybody ever been happy to see you?
你听过有人说 Like, have you ever walked into a room and someone's gone like,
"大家看”"最酷的国税局稽核员来了” "hey, everybody, look! My cool IRS auditor just walked in"?
他们不必高兴 是喔 Yeah, they don't have to be happy. Oh, okay.
我受到尊敬和看重 I'm respected. I'm valued.
我要走了 赞啦 I'm leaving. There you go.
就等你这句 Those are the two words we love to hear you say.
慢走不送 拜 瑞克 All right, now. Bye, Rick.
瑞克 还有一个问题 别甩门 Hey, Rick, I had one more question. Don't slam...
嗨 阿姐 嗨 裘裘 Hey, girl. Hiya, jojo.
我有东西给你 All right, I have got some stuff for you.
看这些 我的天啊 Look at all these. Oh, my gosh.
大日子 大日子 Big day. Big day.
买一送一 买一送一 爽啦 Buy one, get one. Bogo!
瑞克很高兴 我教你囤货吧 Rick should be happy I taught you how to stockpile.
他根本不懂 Yeah, he doesn't get any of this.
你看 我差一个牙膏盒 Oh, lookee. I only need one more colgate proof of purchase
就能得到电信公司的免费礼券 是不是 to get a free at&t gift card. You see that?
瑞克懂得用牙膏省电话费吗 才不知道 You think Rick knows how to pay a phone bill with toothpaste? No.
那你赢了 You're winning.
你知道赢会改变头脑的运作 Hey, did you know that winning actually changes the way your brain works?
每赢一次就会变聪明一点 Like, every time you win, you get a teensy bit smarter.
又叫"赢家效应” They call it the winner effect.
你越常赢就越会赢 You know, basically, the more you win, the more you will win.
赢成为常态 Winning becomes habit.
我真的需要赢 I really need a win.
A&G大卖场
太好了 Yes!
高露洁牙膏
葛瑞 今天好吗 You doing okay today, Greg?
我在书上看到 你就算再幸运 You know, I read that if you're lucky,
最多也只能在地球上活3万天 you only get about 30,000 days on planet earth.
随便 日子不多 Right. That's not a lot.
也许你该活得精彩一点 Maybe you should try to make every day count.
总共是138.55美元 Total is $138.55.
是这样吗 Is it?
认真 对 Are you serious? Yeah.
一整叠优惠券 It's like a thousand coupons, man.
折扣1 2
折扣1元
折扣122.1元 总计16.45元
爽了吧 省了122.1美元 Well, good for you, lady. You saved $122.10.
我很爽 葛瑞 有够爽 It is good for me, Greg. It is good for me.
省小钱才能赚大财 "Watch the pennies, and the dollars will take care of themselves."
随便 抱歉久等了 All right. Sorry about the wait.
没事 太佩服你了 Don't be. That was impressive.
找钱 Change.
你的战绩 Your trophy.
致加乐氏 "Dear general mills,"
我最近在当地的超市 I recently purchased a box of wheaties cereal
买了一盒麦片 from my local a&g family mart here in Phoenix.
我打开时却发现 麦片竟然受潮软掉 When I opened it, I discovered, to my chagrin, that the cereal was stale.
身为前奥运选手 我非常失望 As a former olympic athlete, I was very disappointed.
冠军早餐 'Breakfast of champions'?
麦片不脆 就是输家早餐 "With cereal this stale, it's more like 'breakfast of chump-ions.'"
说了别气 你化妆前不怎么样 no shade, but, um, we both know the before we were working with.
但现在看看 But why don't you take a little look
化妆后 我的天啊 at the after! Oh, my god!
哇 辣妹 瞧瞧你 Wow. Yes, girl! Look at you!
小姐你哪位 年轻十岁的哈莉·贝瑞吗？ Who is that? Is that Halle Berry from 2002?
我用的是 So what I've used here
"黑妞变女神”组合 is the back-2-black executive package.
我常说白人的化妆品不适合我们 I try to tell people, like, that white-girl makeup does not work for us.
我意思是 You know what I mean? Okay.
你需要能展现自己的产品 Mm-hmm. You need your own stuff.
所以你决定要买吗 So, do we have a sale?
你收信用卡吗 Do you take credit cards?
可惜我只收现金 Unfortunately, I can only accept cash.
我有盗用身份的前科 I have a history with identity theft.
什么 不是啦 What? No. Girl. No, no, no.
我没盗用别人的身份 才没有 No, I did not steal anybody's identity. No way.
是我的身份遭盗用 I had my identity stolen.
我的信用不佳 连银行都进不去 My credit's trash. I can't even walk into a bank.
真够麻烦 Mmm. It's a whole thing. You don't even need
你别担心这种事 to worry about that right now, so...
我要考虑一下 I need to think about it.
黑妞变女神彩妆
出差好玩吗 Fun trip?
好玩 工作有什么好玩 Fun? What's fun about work?
我们今晚去约会好吗 去吃寿司 Hey, what do you say we go out for a nice dinner tonight? Maybe Sushi?
寿司很贵 Sushi's expensive.
你不是有速食店的 Didn't you say you had some kinda coupon thing
优惠券吗 from tgi Fridays?
也是 Mm-hmm.
看来亚利桑那粉丝会继续声援 Looks like the Arizona fans will stay on their feet
哈里斯出场 有机会平手 as Harris steps to the plate with a chance to tie it up.
球投往内侧 差点打到他的头 Pitch... oh, inside! And near his head.
克莱顿大道
厄尔 你好 裘裘 Earl! Hey there, jojo.
你最好别拿一叠账单给我 You better not have a bunch of bills in there for me.
拿着 You got this? Oh.
我不太会打球 是喔 好 I don't know nothing about this. Okay. Damn.
我喜欢你上传的新影片 裘裘 Oh, I loved your new YouTube video, jojo. Oh, yeah?
是吗 我一直在想 "她怎么办到的" Yeah. You know, I keep asking myself, "how does she do it?"
就像你能读我的心一样 It's like you can read my mind.
我就是能 过来 That's 'cause I can. Come here.
我知道你在想什么 看着我 I'm gonna tell you what you're thinking. Look at me.
老天 我闹你的 Oh, boy. I'm just playing with you, Earl.
我才不知道 我该走了 I can't tell what you're thinking. I should be going.
好 好 Okay. Yeah.
拜 Bye!
我要走了 几周后见 好 I'm leaving. I'll see you in a couple of weeks.
你明明有选择 You had a choice.
我们能常去吃高级餐厅 We could've been eating out at expensive and fancy places all the time.
你却选择四次体外受精疗程 Instead, you chose four rounds of ivf treatments.
我试一次就想放弃 You knew I wanted to quit after one, but...
你用优惠券来弥补不满 You're trying to replace what you lost with coupons.
开什么玩笑 我们失去了宝宝 Are you kidding me right now? We lost a baby.
走出这个房间吧 Get out of this room.
找个工作 And get a job.
这是一场漫长的苦战
信件来了 Mail's here.
但我看见全新一天的曙光
我一直在寻找阳光
免费一盒麦片
我好久没看到光明
麦片
感谢来信 我们很遗憾收到
一切会迎刃而解
免费一盒麦片
一切会好起来的
麦片
老天爷 Oh, my...
看到没 葛瑞 See that, Greg?
省小钱才能赚大财 "Watch the pennies, and the dollars will take care of themselves."
你是在跳针 Why do you always say that?
因为小确幸很爽 'Cause it's the little things that matter.
小确幸 Mmm. Little things.
像是浪费时间写蠢申诉信 Like wasting your time writing a stupid complaint letter?
你怎么知道 不是只有你 How did you know that? You're not special.
早就有人客诉厂商拿免费券了 They always send you coupons for free shit when you bitch to the manufacturer.
如今我赢得自由
如同老鹰 我渴望天空
因为我能看到光明
少一半脂肪 简直食之无味 "Fifty percent less fat? More like 100% less flavor."
干脆叫无改良新品 "How about new and unimproved?"
你们的垃圾袋就是垃圾 "Your trash bags are garbage."
你们的饼干不软 也没嚼劲 "Your cookie isn't soft, and it sure as heck ain't chewy."
你们的披萨有够扁的 "Your rising crust pizza falls flat."
起司口味吃起来像脚臭味 "If you meant for the cheese flavor to taste like feet,
好样的 朋友 有够臭 then bravo, my friend, you nailed it."
一切会好转的
会好转的
宝侨 转交省很大公司
乐事 转交省很大公司
金百利 转交省很大公司
我看见全新一天的曙光
别偷看 好 Okay, don't... don't peek. Okay. Okay.
张开眼睛 Okay, open.
什么 不会吧 康妮 What? No, Connie!
你说是因为麦片受潮 You told me you wrote that letter
才写申诉信 对 'cause your cereal was stale. Yeah.
结果一屋子的东西都坏了 So, what, the whole fucking house has gone stale?
不算是 Not exactly... Oh, shit!
不得了 还有卫生纸 You got cottonelle ultra? Yeah.
对 免费送36卷 You got 36 family rolls for free? Yeah.
那张优惠券值40元 That coupon's worth, like, 40 bucks.
你写信给他们也能拿到 Well, you can get one too. Just write a letter to cottonelle.
要写什么 And say what? "Dear cottonelle,
你们的超柔软卫生纸 刮到我的屁屁 your supersoft toilet paper scratched up my ass"?
拜托 他们会信才怪 Please, they're not gonna believe me!
要不然赔我优惠券 Or, better yet, just pay me for the coupon.
好吧 Okay.
那你愿意花多少钱 买我卫生纸优惠券 Actually, how much would you pay me for this cottonelle coupon?
你愿意付我定价的一半 Would you pay maybe half of what it's worth?
20元 当然好 Twenty bucks? Yeah, why not?
所以你愿意付我20元 买我免费得到的优惠券 So you'd give me 20 bucks for this coupon that I got for free?
赚很大吧 That's quite a profit, don't you think?
想像一下我们要弄来更多 再半价卖出去 Imagine if we got more of these, and we sold them to people for half.
那就是辉煌的事业了 That would... That'd be a real business.
这算哪门子事业 How is that a real business?
就算我们想这样搞 要从哪弄这么多优惠券来卖 Even if you wanted to, how would you ever get enough to sell?
我知道能上哪弄来 I think I know where we can get 'em in bulk.
省很大公司跟美国前五百大公司合作 Advanced solutions works with the top fortune 500 companies
帮您处理优惠券的所有需求 to handle all of your coupon printing needs.
每周客户兑换您的优惠券 Each week, when customers redeem your coupons,
就会送回省很大公司位于墨西哥契瓦瓦 的印刷部 they'll be sent back to our advanced solutions printing facility
和优惠券交换所 and coupon clearinghouse in chihuahua, Mexico.
墨西哥契瓦瓦 离这里不远 Chihuahua, Mexico. That's not far from here.
好 吉娃娃 你到底要说什么 Okay, chihuahua. What's your point?
那是优惠券的大本营 That's where all the coupons are.
难道你想要抢劫那里 So what, you want to Rob the place?
不是啦 No. Oh.
不是抢劫 只是拿走或分走一些 No, no. Not Rob. Just remove or just separate some.
这可不行 你疯了吗 No. No. Uh-uh. Are you crazy?
裘裘 我需要你 Jojo, I need you.
你是超级销售员 There's no one better at selling people stuff.
那为何我会破产 Then how come I'm so broke?
讲到重点 这不公平 Yeah. Exactly. It's not fair.
你只想要一个成功的事业 Like, all you wanted was a successful business.
却因为有人毁了你的信用 你挽救不了 But because someone ruined your credit, you can never fix that?
我只想要一个宝宝 And all I wanted was a baby,
却得一辈子付出代价 and I... now I gotta pay for that the rest of my life?
没人会帮我们 No one is gonna help us.
想知道该怎么狠捞一笔 You know who gets rewarded?
不按牌理出牌 People who don't follow the rules.
是时候来干大事了 It's time we start bending 'em a little.
你别说服我了 I want you to know you don't have to keep selling me on it,
我加入 就说嘛 'cause I'm in. I'm just saying,
客诉就有免费券 you know, you lodge one complaint, they send you a free coupon.
厂商会一直大放送 They're handing them out like hot cakes. Mm-hmm.
我们只是多拿一些 And... and we're just taking a few extra.
这是偷 Mmm. Well, we're stealing them.
我们只是让优惠券更亲民 And all we're doing is making them more accessible.
用偷的方式 By smuggling them. That...
老实说 这些公司赚翻了 Honestly, these companies make bazillions of dollars,
他们才不会在乎几张优惠券 so it's not like they're gonna miss a couple of coupons.
我们要偷走 走私和非法买卖 I'm just telling you that it is stealing, smuggling and selling illegally.
说得好像我们在干坏事一样 It sounds bad when you say it like that.
是坏事啊 阿姐 别那样说 It is bad, girl. Well, don't say it like that.
没必要想成坏事 It doesn't have to sound bad.
这是好事 I think it's gonna be good.
一定是好事 No, it's gonna be good.
一定是好事 我能感觉到 It's gonna be good. I can feel it.
内华达州 卡森城
恭喜 苏尼 Hey, congratulations, sunil.
要当爷爷了 Congrats on being a grandfather.
谢谢 不是每个人 Thank you. Not everybody's got a...
不是每个人都能结婚生子 Not everybody's got a family.
顾客请注意 如果您有本店的会员卡 Attention, shoppers. If you have our club card,
小吃部今天打九折 you can save 10% today in our deli department.
今天小吃部享受九折优惠 Get 10% off today in the deli department...
还是无效 No, just... It's still not working.
那就手动输入 Yeah, I see that. Just punch it in manually
给她优惠券的价格 戴夫 慢点 等等 and give her the coupon price. Dave. Dave. Hold on. Wait.
结账前让我看一下 Can I... can I take a look at that before you make the transaction?
先别输入 抱歉 Before you punch it in. Sorry, folks.
等我们一下 1号收银机的艾莉丝会帮你们 We're just gonna be a minute. Alice will help you on one.
一盒省2元 这不是真的优惠券 Yeah. No. This is, uh, this is not a real coupon.
我不懂 I-I don't understand.
这是假的 女士 It's a fake, ma'am.
怎么会是假的 你又是谁 How is it fake? Look, uh, who are you?
我是肯米勒 I am, uh, Ken Miller.
防损专员 I'm the loss prevention officer
负责全西南部的A&G大卖场 for all the a&g family marts across the southwest.
逮到这小东西算你们好运 You're lucky I was here today to spot this little guy.
看这里 看见截止日期了 Take a look here. See that expiration date?
很眼熟 11月31日 Does that look familiar to you? November 31st?
不对 11月只有30天 It shouldn't. There's only 30 days in the month of November.
想仿冒这东西的人 So whoever tried to replicate this little guy,
肯定没看月历 clearly, they didn't look at a calendar.
这一定是中国制的 Probably out of China.
他们经常搞错日期 老是出错 You know, they screw up the dates all the time. There's always a flaw.
知道破绽在哪 就能轻易揪出 You know, if you know what to look for, it's easy to spot.
你不能破例吗 Well, can you just make an exception?
这次就通融一下吧 I mean, we could just honor it, Ken, this one time.
她是我们的老顾客了 She's been coming here for, like, 150 years.
就算她是茱蒂丹契 我也不放水 Yeah, I don't care if she's dame judi dench, Dave.
留下食物 老鼠就会来吃 You leave the food out, the critters will get it.
我是说这是万恶之源 This is how this starts. I'm just saying.
抱歉把你比喻成老鼠 无心之言 Sorry to compare you to rodents, ma'am. I didn't mean that.
规定就是规定 希望帮得上忙 I just mean to say that rules are rules. But if it helps, I...
希望帮得上忙 我有痔疮 If it helps? I have hemorrhoids.
知道什么才帮得上忙 痔疮乳霜 You know what helps, honey? Preparation h.
我们很乐意以原价卖给你 Well, we're happy to sell it to ya at full price.
那你这大屁眼 Well, then why don't you buy it?
干嘛不买 Because you're a giant asshole!
真好笑 女士 That's a good one, ma'am.
但戴夫能做证 我不是第一次听到 But as Dave will attest, I've been told that before.
这个就作废了 再见 戴夫 下个月见 You should put that in the burn pile. See you, Dave. I'll be back next month.
抱歉 能换个位置吗 Hey, sorry. Um, would you mind if we switched seats, just for this last part?
降落时她很爱看窗外 She really likes to watch out the window as we land.
也能帮她冷静下来 And it helps calm her down. Mmm. Yeah.
不 我想要也不行 No, even if I wanted to switch,
更重要的是 让你女儿学到宝贵的一课 I think it's more important that your daughter learn a valuable lesson.
世界不是这样运作的 人不能随心所欲 That's not how the world works, you know. You don't always get your way.
你是认真的吗 傻眼 Are you for real, dude? Okay.
犹他州 盐湖城
靠 Fuck!
靠 Fuck.
墨西哥 契瓦瓦市
省很大公司
现在怎样 抓替死鬼 So, what, we're just gonna eeny, meeny, miny, mo,
随机挑个人问 能帮我们偷吗 pick some random dude and be like, "could you steal for us?"
对 我们需要内应 Yeah. We need someone on the inside.
我们需要内贼 We need an inside man.
那家伙呢 他看起来像刽子手 Ooh, what about that guy? He looks like that badass dude from machete.
太怪了 就是要找怪咖啊 Too sketchy. We want sketchy.
我们要找人帮忙 不是被分尸 We want him to help us, not chop us up into tiny pieces.
那个好好先生呢 What about this Cesar millan-looking motherfucker?
太乖了 Too square.
就要那家伙 We need that guy.
那家伙 为什么是他 That guy? Why that guy?
因为他已经在乱来了 'Cause he's already bending the rules.
你看 一石二鸟 Look at that. We got two for the price of one.
买一送一 Bogo. Bogo.
你有兴趣赚外快吗 Are you interested in a way to make some more money?
不 听起来超怪 不然说我们有个 No, that sounds creepy. Just be like, "oh, hey, we have a"...
商机 没错 We have a business opportunity for you. Yes, yes.
这个好 就这样 Okay. That's better. That's it, that's it.
你认得那辆车吗
豁出去了 好 Okay. Here goes nothing. All right.
快走 快逃
她干嘛逃走 Why is she running?
别想抢劫我们 我会杀了你们
别想抢劫 去你们的 浑蛋
钱 我们有钱 We have money. Money. Dinero. Dinero. We have it!
我没有钱 我们是财神爷 要给你钱 No! Dinero. We have dinero for you. We have it.
给我钱 For you, yeah.
给我 就是给你 For me? Oh. Yeah, man. Yeah.
她在干嘛 What is she doing?
等等 不要 Hey, wait, wait, wait! Oh, no, no, no!
不要紧 罗莎 Stop! What...
亚历山大 Alejandro!
这些女人想要帮我们 These women are trying to help us.
别慌 别慌 Uh. It's okay. It's okay.
先上车 Okay, here we go.
嗨 Hi. Mmm.
走吧 你还好吧 走啰 Okay, here we go. You good? Okay, here we go.
在墨西哥不要乱跟踪别人 You never trail someone in Mexico. Ever.
你们有够笨的 You estúpida.
我太太气坏了 但她说的对 My... my wife is angry. But she's right.
她气坏了 She is angry.
也怀孕了 And also... pregnant?
现在还早 但没错 恭喜 It is very early. But yes. Oh, wow.
我们的时薪才2元 Minimum wage is only two dollars an hour.
你们有办法帮我们挣钱 Do you really have a way for us to make some money?
等等 你们的时薪才2元 Wait, your wage is two dollars an hour?
太血汗了 你们得要求加薪 That's a crime. You gotta talk to somebody about that.
我该向老板提加薪 I should talk to my boss and ask for a raise?
当然 对 Yes. Yes.
你一定要跟老板谈 Yes, you should definitely talk to your boss.
你别瞎了 这是美国公司 Are you crazy? This company's American.
他们搬来这里就是要压榨我们 They only moved here so they could take advantage of us.
那你更有理由听我们说完 That's all the more reason you should hear us out.
这些优惠券都来自你们的工厂吧 These coupons. They all come from your factory, yes?
对 我们制作各种优惠券 Sí, sí, we make all kinds of coupons.
我们不需要每一种 只要免费那种 We don't need all kinds. Just the ones for free stuff.
你能搞到多少 Can you get more of these?
要我去偷 Are you asking me to steal?
又来了 都说得好像在干坏事 Again, everyone is making it sound so bad, but it's...
但严格说来 没错 Technically, yes. Yeah.
好吧 好吧 Uh. Okay, okay.
就像罗宾汉 好吗 It's like Robin hood, okay?
你们理当要偷 You are gonna take these coupons from this company
血汗工厂的优惠券 that pays you chump change,
然后我们会卖给有需要的人家 and then we're gonna get them to families who really need them.
她说的对 你知道尿布有多贵吗 She's right. Do you have any idea how expensive diapers are?
当然你们也有利可图 And, obviously, you would be sharing in the profits.
对 这八婆说的对 Yeah. La puta's right.
但我们不需要你们的罗宾汉 我们有赫苏斯马尔韦德 But we don't need your Robin hood. We have jesús malverde.
他也是劫富济贫 He took from the rich and gave to the poor families.
我们会效法他的义行 We will follow in his footsteps.
请便 向他看齐 这英雄太屌了 我喜欢 Okay, yeah. Go with him. I mean, this dude is dope as hell. I love it.
罗莎 不好吧 Rosa, no.
我做不到她们的要求
想想我们的未来
我们的宝宝 你非做不可
亲爱的
坐下 坐下
有个智者说过 A wise man once said,
家庭不只重要 更是一切 "family is not an important thing. It is everything."
也是赫苏斯马尔韦德说的 Was that jesús malverde as well?
是米高福克斯说的 It is the words of Michael j. Fox.
米高福克斯 Michael j. Fox?
那个老牌演员 The damn actor?
《回到未来》男主角 谁说的不重要 裘裘 Like, Marty mcfly? Doesn't matter who said it, jojo.
他说得对 He's right.
米高福克斯对极了 Michael j. Fox is right.
好吧 Okay.
好 你答应 Yes. Yes?
我加入 你愿意 I will do it. You will?
真的吗 哇赛 For real? Like for... oh. Oh, wow.
连我都没那么爽快 我还认识她 I mean, 'cause it took me a while to get on board, and I know her.
你们准备好了 You are ready, huh?
计划如下 And here is how we will do it.
工厂分成两大部门 印刷部和兑换部 The factory is split in two. Printing and redemption.
两个部门各自独立运作 And the right hand does not know what the left hand does.
罗莎在优惠券兑换部 Rosa works on the coupon redemption side.
整天计算回收的优惠券 闷爆了 All day counting used coupons, very tedious.
我在印刷部 And I work on the print side.
是男人的工作 搬重物 很危险 It is man's work. Heavy lifting, dangerous.
讲重点 别指使我 Just get to the point. Don't boss me.
话说回来 Anyway.
每种优惠券总是会多印 With each coupon we print, there is always extra.
免费券也是 Even with the free coupons.
正常程序是摧毁多余的优惠券 It is normal for us to destroy these extra coupons.
现在起不会了 But no more.
亚历山大 你现在好性感 Oh, Alejandro, you very sexy right now.
总之我会寄给你们 Instead, I will send them to you.
我们的卡车会把优惠券运到美国 Our trucks ship coupons all across the us.
边境也不成问题 And as for the border, this is no problem.
运毒才会被拦截 因为有毒品战争 They stop drugs because there is a war on drugs.
但谁在乎优惠券 But who cares about coupons?
谢谢 Gracias.
免费一箱 免费一袋
妈 拜托安静 好吗 Okay, mama, just please be quiet, okay?
我又没说啥 I ain't saying a word.
照过来 裘裘让你爽爽赚 Yo, yo, yo. It's time to save with jojo.
是太热 还是我太辣 Is it hot in here, or is it just me?
辣你妹 It's you.
我又要重来了 I have to start again now!
"爽赚达人 省小钱才能赚大财 我要来享受玉米棒了" I'm getting my cheetos fix
多亏我火辣的优惠券网站 thanks to my flamin' hot site for coupons,
爽赚达人网站 savvysupersaver.com.
"爽赚达人 裘裘让你爽爽赚 你会找到一堆优惠券 全部半价" You get a bunch of coupons. All of them are gonna be half off, okay?
我省了155元 感谢爽赚达人 So, go there, get your coupons, make your savings, okay?
快来买优惠券 狂捞猛赚
新订单通知
47.99元 $47.99.
赞喔 免费 Whoa, look at that. Free!
目前余额 最近交易
行了 Okay.
交给我 谢谢 厄尔 Hey, I got it. Thank you, Earl.
爽赚达人呢 Savvy super saver, huh?
赚 赚 赚 很重要所以要说三遍 Now, did I say save, or did I say save?
免费券好东西 免费券好东西 You get a free coupon! You get a free coupon!
免费券好东西 You get a free coupon!
帮我顾好喔 Keep an eye on that for me, okay?
打给丹
好 Okay.
你有74通留言 第一通留言 You have 74 new voice messages. First voice message.
我是A&G I'm calling from general mills
发现可可球的 about a fraudulent, um, uh, coupon for cocoa puffs.
假优惠券 Coupon for cocoa puffs.
可可球优惠券挺拗口的 反正 That sounds funny, I guess. Anyway...
酥胡刮胡刀的销售有状况 There's been a run on schick razors.
过去一个月 有一种假优惠券 In the past month, this one counterfeit coupon
害我们损失几十万元 has cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars.
几间A&G大卖场 有出现 Uh, we've had, uh, several of your a&g stores
"诈骗通知 有几间加乐福出现" 兑换好骑尿布的假优惠券 attempting to redeem this counterfeit coupon for huggies diapers.
天衣无缝 看兑换号码 There's no flaw. If you're looking at
一看兑换号码 these redemption numbers,
就知道事态严重 this is quickly becoming a serious issue.
所以我们才会求助防损专员 Which is why we're calling on all lpos
调查洗衣精的假优惠券 to look into these fraudulent tide coupons.
红色警戒 This is code red.
我寄了假优惠券 天衣无缝 I've mailed you... There's no flaw.
是谁伪造本公司的优惠券 Of the fraudulent coupon. If gerber didn't...
我11天没睡 埋头调查收据 Eleven days. No sleep. Just me and the receipts.
只喝咖啡造成胃痛 On a diet of coffee and heartburn.
就为了核对那些造假优惠券 The key was finding discounts that matched the coupons in question.
工程浩大 It was no small task.
中了 Aha! Yes!
然后进入我们的财务数据库 Then, accessing our financial database,
我就能追踪信用卡号码找到你 I was able to trace the credit card number back to you, back here.
所以我今天才会来 And here we are today.
但你不是警探吧 But you're not a detective.
你看起来有点像警探 'Cause you sort of look like a detective.
警探 我吗 Detective... Do I look like a detective?
这种赞美能当我的座右铭 Huh. I'll pocket that compliment for a rainy day.
不 我在A&G大卖场工作 I, uh, no, I work for a&g family mart.
总之 切入正题吧 Anyways, let's cut to the Chevy chase here.
就当我知道问题的答案 If I ask a question, just assume I know the answer.
请实话实说 好吗 So, stick to the facts, would you, ma'am?
说吧 优惠券是哪来的 Spill it. Where'd you get the coupons?
好 Uh, okay.
有个朋友传来一支影片 有个黑人女生讲个不停 Well, a friend sent me this video of this black woman going on and on
说她买东西全部半价 about all this stuff she got for half off
用某个网站买到的优惠券 with these coupons from some website.
抱歉 打断一下 I'm sorry. I'm gonna stop you there.
你是从网站买到优惠券 You purchased these coupons off a website?
你知道一岁小孩麦片喝得多凶 Do you have any idea how many cheerios a one-year-old goes through?
这个网站叫什么 Well, what's the name of this website?
"省钱达人” Uh, super snappy saver?
"省很多”之类的 Super snazzy something.
"赚很大” Snazzy super saver. Uh...
我那时还觉得这名子真鸟 I remember thinking, "what a dumb name."
有没有可能是"快速血拼” Yeah. Sp-speedy shopper? Could that be it?
"快速血拼” 不 差多了 Speedy shopper? No. That's not even close.
我只是想帮忙 Well, I'm trying to be helpful.
你说你已经知道答案 You said you already knew the answers.
我知道多数答案 但重点是 等一下 I-I know a lot of 'em, but the point... One minute.
"爽赚” Savvy!
女士 你是在说我吗 S... are you talking to me, ma'am?
"爽赚达人” Savvy super saver.
赚大钱的"赚” Savvy, is that one v or two?
对啦 就是爽赚达人了 Oh, no, I guess one would be "savy." So it's two. Two v's.
爽赚达人 "省小钱才能赚大财” "Watch the pennies, and the dollars will take care of themselves."
爽赚达人 Savvy super saver.
我的手好酸 My hands hurt.
我们一天要打包几百张订单 We're filling hundreds of orders a day.
你不觉得一切发生得太快 Don't you feel like this is all happening way too fast?
不 快才好 快是 No, fast is good. Fast is...
惨了 什么 Oh, crap. What?
冻结 不会吧 Frozen? No. No.
您的账户已冻结 康妮 我就说一切发生得太快 Connie, I told you this is all happening too fast!
我就知道 I'm like, "whoop, whoop, whoop!"
迟早会出问题的 Alarm bells are just going off in my mind.
我重新载入网页 Let me refresh it. So just...
好 关闭网页 重新开始 Okay, close the page. Start again.
我们的钱都没了 Did we lose all that money?
我不知道 真操蛋 I don't know. Fuck!
嗯 对 Uh-huh.
账户里有异常巨款 对 Abnormally large amounts of money in the account. Right.
那我们要怎么解除冻结 Okay, and... and how do we unfreeze it?
是吗 Uh-huh.
所以我们要证明是合法事业 Oh, so we just have to prove that it's a legitimate business.
好 了解 Okay. Got it.
好 Yes.
没问题 感谢 拜 All good. Okay. Okey dokey. Thanks so much. Bye.
我就知道天下没这种好事 I knew this was too good to be true.
不见得 Is it though?
支付平台专员说得一副很简单 The PayPal rep made it seem simple enough.
我们要雇用这档事的专家 We just need someone who's had experience with this sort of thing.
像是卖赃物获得异常巨款 Like selling stolen shit for abnormally large amounts of money.
这档事 没错 Like that sort of thing? Exactly.
最好是 Oh, okay.
盗用你身份的那个女生呢 What about that girl who stole your identity?
谭贝蒂纳 你认真 Tempe Tina? Really?
你要找那位毁了我一生的小贱人 You wanna go to the little brat who ruined my entire life?
裘裘 Jojo...
阿姐 太扯了 我懂 但我们需要她 Girl, this is unnecessary. I know, but we need her.
这是哪招 What the fuck is this about?
我要澄清一下 Just to clear the air,
我小时候对你做的事只是副业 the shit I did to you as a kid, that was a side gig, okay.
我在搞暗网 I dabble in the dark web.
我这边也要澄清 让你知道一下 Okay, well, just to clear the air on my side, just so you know,
被你耍了后 我去报警 after that little stunt you pulled, I went to the police.
他们不帮我 确实 They didn't help me. That's true.
我去社会安全局 他们不相信我 I went to social security. They didn't believe me.
我去银行 结果 And I went to my bank. And guess what?
那些混蛋不信任我 Those motherfuckers didn't trust me.
妹仔 我因为你负债累累 Girl, you know, I had so much debt because of you.
我还得搬回家跟老妈住 I had to move back home with my mama.
你知道有多丢脸 我是成人女性 You know how embarrassing that shit is? I'm a grown-ass woman.
抱歉 I'm really sorry about that.
没料到会这样 I-I really... I had no idea.
好吧 Yeah, well, okay.
电动车 什么 Electric car? What?
这是电动车吗 好安静 Is this an electric car? It's just so quiet, isn't it?
我以前没被蒙眼过 I mean, I've never been blindfolded before,
他们说的对 and it's true what they say.
其他感官会变得敏锐 All your other senses are so heightened.
我们刚才经过铁轨 我也觉得 Did we just go over train tracks? I felt that.
你感觉到了 对 Did you feel that? Yeah.
感官变敏锐了 好怪 They are heightened, I... That's so weird.
你在吃水果口香糖吧 这就是你吃的 Are you eating juicy fruit? The gum. Is that what you eatin'?
你闻到了 我喜欢水果口香糖 You smell that? Oh, I love juicy fruit.
我超久没吃了 我也是 Oh, I haven't had it in forever. Me either. Me either.
你们闭嘴好吗 Can you guys just shut the fuck up?
失礼了 Okay, rude.
我的专长是资讯安全 My specialty is cybersecurity.
懂吗 You guys have any idea what that means?
毫无概念 不知 No. Not a clue. No.
好 政府和全球企业 Okay. Governments and global corporations
每天都要应付资金安全攻击 deal with security attacks every single day.
我的工作是辨识和预防攻击 My job is to identify 'em, prevent 'em,
如果他们付我更多钱 我也能创造攻击 or, if they pay me enough, to create 'em.
好假哦 Humblebrag.
你们怎么用优惠券捞到这么多钱 How the fuck did you make this kind of coin from coupons?
眼罩拿下来 Take 'em off.
这么多钱不能全部流入单一账户 You can't have this much money flowing in a single account.
我能帮你们解除冻结 但要把钱分散 I can unfreeze this for you, but we gotta spread this shit out.
到各大支付平台 I'm talking moneypak, PayPal, venmo, Google pay.
好样的 Okay, wow.
你们是靠这个两个网站赚钱 You're cashing in with this craptacular site,
爽赚达人 savvy super saver?
这是模板 对 It was a template. Right.
这个网站不精明 顾客才是 And the site isn't savvy, the shoppers are.
讲得好 这才是重点 There we go. That part.
这个网站的登记名字是 The site is registered
哈肯萨克市的查理巴金 to a Charles barkin from hackensack.
查理巴金 是《天堂狗历险记》里的狗狗 Charlie barkin. It's from all dogs go to heaven.
地址是新泽西州一家宠物店 没错 And the address is a petco in New Jersey. Boom.
瞧你们俩 越来越像犯罪女王了 Well, look at you. We got ourselves a couple of queenpins in the making.
靠 听到没 Damn, you hear that? Mm-hmm.
我们是犯罪女王 爽啦 We queenpins, bitch.
别得意 你们现在太容易就被抓到了 Relax, 'cause it's still way too easy to trace back to you.
你们还有事情瞒着我吗 Is there anything else I should know about?
照过来 裘裘让你爽爽赚 Yo, yo, yo. It's time to save with jojo.
知道怎样才能狂捞猛赚 You know what makes your Booty so fine?
爽赚达人网站让你省一半 Half-off Booty from savvysupersaver.Com.
你认真 Seriously?
我的频道是要打响我的品牌 You see, my YouTube's a part of my brand, so...
实实在在的48卷喔 That's 48 real rolls, okay, y'all?
前往爽赚达人 Head over to savvy super sa...
用户已关闭账户 哇咧 安怎 你去哪了 美眉 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Where you go, girl?
相信我 没人鸟你的品牌 Trust me, nobody gives a bag of dicks about your brand.
你们需要掩护这种地下事业 What you guys need is a front for your business.
这些都是脏钱 All of this money is dirty,
别把钱花在无法注销的玩意上 so don't go spending dough on shit you can't write off.
先等六个月 Give it six months,
确定外头风平浪静 and make sure it ain't alarm-ageddon out there.
懂了没 首先需要许多化名 You got that? And to start, we need aliases, and lots of 'em.
然后开设银行账户 申请信用卡 From there, we open up bank accounts, apply for credit cards,
这些事都别在家里做 and don't be doing this shit at home.
租间房子当作秘密基地 Rent a stash house, okay?
现在起用这种加密随身碟 And from now on, use this. It's an ironkey.
军事等级加密 用在USB插槽 It's military-grade encryption. Just stick it in your USB.
我的收费是你们总收入的一成 Uh, for my help, I take 10% of everything you make.
妹仔 什么 Girl, what?
我绝对值得 Well, I'm worth it.
好消息是你们 The good news is, ladies,
进入成长产业了 is you are entering a real growth industry, okay.
女性犯罪越来越强了 Pink-collar crime, it's fly as fuck right now.
我会帮你们搞定这档事 We get you square, and this coupon hustle,
你们要发大财了 it's gonna pay off in a big, big way.
能全部重讲一遍吗 慢一点 Could you say it all again and, like, much slower?
刚才有一半我没听懂 I don't know what half those things you said were.
有便条纸和笔吗 笔和纸 And do you have a pad and pen maybe? Pen and paper, yeah.
或是还我手机 我要笔记 Or give me my phone back. I'll take notes.
写一下就好 不行 Just to write it down. No. No.
有听没懂 但成交 包在姐身上 We don't got it, but we got it. We will wing it.
联邦调查局 盐湖城分局
你和我 Yeah, I mean, you and me are...
正处在冰山的一角 We're standing on the tip of the iceberg here.
可能是中国 Ah, it's probably just... China.
不可能是中国 Oh. Can't be China.
为什么不是中国 Why not China?
中国没这本领 信我这一次 Ah, no, China's just... You gotta trust me on this one.
这些优惠券完美无瑕 I mean these... These are gall-damn perfect.
中国做不出来 不可能 You know this... China couldn't pull this one off. No.
都在档案夹里 These... it's all in the file folder.
优惠券警告单 好 I mean, the, uh, coupon warning sheets... Yeah. Okay.
网站 访谈地方妈妈 The website, the interview with the mother.
这是爆炸性事件 It's... it's... it's a real bombshell. Yeah.
停 别在FBI大楼说爆炸 Don't say bombshell in an FBI building.
我以为别说炸弹就好 说炸弹也不行 I thought maybe don't say bomb. Don't say bomb anything.
抱歉 你是哪根筋不对 Sorry. What's wrong with you?
我只是想强调这案子的严重性 No, I just... I'm trying to relay the severity of the case.
这是 I just, uh...
全国等级的危机 好 This is a crisis at a national level.
这是机密简报 好 This is my pelican brief. Okay. Okay.
肯 行了 是 长官 Okay. Ken? Ken, okay. Yes, sir.
肯 你引起我和她的注意了 Ken, you have my attention. You have her attention.
嗨 Oh. Hey.
我们应该向总部报告 I think we should run this up the chain to hq.
听到很欣慰 That's, uh, it's good to hear that. Yeah.
太棒了 'Cause, I mean, that's great.
我们需要整个团队来调查 Uh, we're gonna need a whole team working on this thing.
好说 Yep, yep. Mm-hmm.
你们会去巡察吗 倒不会 Is... do you do tours? Uh, we d... we don't.
你有我的名片 我有给你名片 Well, you got my card. I gave you my card and that.
我们有你的名片 Yeah, we got your card.
有你的电邮 We got your email. Email.
有你的地址 都不缺 We got your... your snail mail. We got everything.
那好 相信我 Trust me, trust me. That's good.
你很快会接到华府的消息 You're going to be hearing from DC real soon. Yeah.
感激不尽 相谈甚欢 感谢 Okay. Thanks so much, guys. This is fun. Thank you.
下次见 Appreciate it, uh... We'll do it again.
肯 再见 Ken. See you, Ken.
是谁让那个怪咖进来的 有事吗 区区几张优惠券 Who the fuck let that kook in here? I mean, come on. Coupons? Coupons?
我们要应付国家安全 恐怖主义 Dealing with national security, terrorism,
这猪头还来烦优惠券的事 and this nutbag is babbling on about coupons.
真是的 拿去 I can't... just... here.
丢去华府让它石沉大海吧 Why don't we let that shit get lost in DC?
FBI总部 华府
这是肯米勒 This is Ken Miller.
盐湖城分局把我的优惠券案 转到总部 Salt lake city referred my coupon case to hq.
请用传真或电邮回复我 Uh, whether I gotta fax or email or what have you, uh, you let me know,
因为我想跟你们联系 'cause I would love to get in touch with, uh, you guys and gals,
看谁负责这案子 whoever's working the beat.
好 肯米勒 All right. Ken Miller.
找人吗 这要给 Looking for someone? I was told to find
最低阶的人员 是你吗 the lowest rung on the ladder. Is that you?
给你的 谢谢 不谢 This is for you. Thank you.
谭贝蒂纳
史蒂芬妮罗素
梅莉莎华特斯
南西菲利普斯
开启您的新账户 史蒂芬妮
管理您的新账户 梅莉莎
您的新银行账户 南西
车子不赖 新房不赖 Nice truck! Nice new house!
好大 谢谢 So big! Thank you.
租来做生意 Had to rent it for the business.
爽赚达人 我留言好几次了 Uh, just leaving message number umpteenth.
希望你们回电 Uh, hoping y'all are gonna give me a call back.
我一直在等 你们应该早就知道我的号码 I am sitting here waiting. I think you know my number by now.
怎么一堆免费券 Okay, what's with all the free fucking coupons?
是中国来的
也许中国的假优惠券在市场泛滥了
我是肯米勒 Hey, this is Ken Miller.
糟了 I... shit.
我打翻咖啡 我再回电 I just spilled some coffee. I'm gonna call you guys back.
转账
现金转账进行中
开始转账
我是肯 又打来问 This is Ken. Just checking in again.
您的转账完成
米勒 我是肯米勒 Um, Miller, it's Ken Miller.
FBI还算是"调查”局吧 The "i" still stands for investigation, right?
6个月后
6个月了 对 It's been six months! I know.
就是今天 我们终于能花钱了 Today's the day we finally get to spend our money!
对 我加总了所有账户 I know. Hey, I added up everything in all of our accounts.
想知道我们有多少钱吗 Mm-hmm. You wanna know what we've got?
523万 什么 5,230,000... What?
55分钱 And 55 cents.
我们是百万富翁了 没错 We're millionaires! I know!
我们是超级好野人 We're filthy fucking rich!
爽翻天 水啦 Hey, dirty what?
宝贝 老娘有钱 发大财 Baby, I got your money don't you worry
嘿 I said hey ? sing it!
唱一波 宝贝 老娘有钱 发大财 Baby, I got your money hey dirty
宝贝 老娘有钱 发大财 baby, I got your money don't you worry
等等 脏钱 Hey. Wait. Dirty.
谭贝不是说这些都是脏钱 Didn't tempe Tina say that all the money is dirty?
什么 我们要洗钱 What? We still have to clean it.
该死 Fuck!
她有说 打去问她 Did she? Wha... call her ass up.
抱歉 您拨打的号码 We're sorry. You have reached a number
无法接通 或是空号 that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.
如果您想要 If you feel you have re...
她是用抛弃式手机吗 Think she's using a burner phone?
我们该怎么办 我是百万富翁 What do we do now? I'm a multimillionaire
却不能花一毛钱 and I can't spend any of my money?
狗屁不通 That's fucking bullshit.
等一下 Wait a minute.
瑞克 他怎样 Rick. What about him?
瑞克老是抱怨 Rick is always griping to me
那些公司是怎么藏钱的 about how these different companies hide their money.
他们把钱移到开曼群岛的境外账户 They funnel money through, like, offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands.
虽然他在讲的时候我都在放空 Honestly, I try to tune out all of the audit talk,
但有个故事是关于 华盛顿州塔科马市有个审计长 but there was this one story about this comptroller guy in Tacoma, Washington,
他盗用2500万 who embezzled $25 million.
能让我记得的唯一理由是 那个人叫做"哥有钱” And the only reason I remember is because his name was guy rich.
哥有钱 我也这样问 Guy rich? That's what I said.
瑞克说对 Rick was like, "yeah."
他说哥有钱虽然笨 却救了自己 Anyway, he said that guy's stupidity actually helped him.
他对开曼群岛账户的事没概念 'Cause he didn't know anything about the Cayman Islands account.
因此他买了一堆东西 So what he did instead was bought a bunch of stuff.
然后出国卖掉 And then he went out and sold it,
所以他卖货的钱都很干净 and whatever he made from selling it was clean.
裘裘 我们要从每个账户把钱提光 Jojo, we need to get all of our money out of these different bank accounts,
买一堆贵森森的玩意 再卖掉 buy a bunch of expensive stuff and then sell it.
所有卖货的钱 And all the money we make from selling it
都洗干净了 干净溜溜 will be clean. Will be clean.
好 Okay. All right.
但你不可能走进一家银行 提出一卡车钱 But you can't just walk into a bank and take out a shitload of money.
你能吗 Can you?
阿姐 你会焕然一新 Ooh. Girl, we are gonna get you together.
真的 这件洋装配那件外套 Really? This dress with that blazer?
对 必胜穿搭 相信我好吗 Yes! A hundred percent! Just trust me, okay?
就让裘裘变戏法吧 Just let jojo work her magic.
好耶 Yes!
嗨 找乔瑟夫强森 谢谢 Hi. Joseph Johnson, please.
直走进门 Straight ahead through that door.
你一定是梅莉莎 And you must be Melissa.
幸会了 幸会 Very nice to meet you. Pleasure.
老实说 梅莉莎 I'll be honest with you, Melissa.
我起初有疑虑 I was pretty suspicious at first.
您移转巨款 You moving around this kind of money.
南西 我们靠近边境 必须提高警觉 With this being a border state, we're extra vigilant, Nancy,
因为我们要应付一些危险人物 because we're dealing with some pretty dangerous people.
幸好 史蒂芬妮 Lucky for us, Stephanie,
金融犯罪执法网络 the financial crimes enforcement network
已建立金额门槛 has established dollar amount thresholds
来防止洗钱 to guard against money laundering.
黛儿 显然您不是贩毒集团 But obviously you're not the cartel.
您没有雇用边境走私的运毒手 You're not hiring mules, smuggling what have you across the border.
您只是努力又成功的女企业家 No, no. You're just a hardworking, successful, female entrepreneur.
说到您的事业 "黑妞变女神”到底是什么 Now, your business. What is back-2-black exactly?
是化妆品系列 It's a cosmetics line
主要是给有色人种 for... people of color.
有色人种 People of color?
既然有需求 有何不可 Well, if there's a demand, why not you?
芭芭拉 找人帮罗素小姐把钱拿来 Hey, Barbara, we're gonna need some help carrying Ms. Russell's money over here.
我们去领你的钱吧 Let's go get you your money.
全部百元钞没问题吧 Will hundreds be a problem?
很可以 Super-duper.
我的天啊 Oh, my god.
看看这些钱 对 Look at all this money. I know.
我们要怎么洗钱 How are we gonna clean it all?
我们要去血拼 这么多钱要买什么 You know we gotta go shopping. What would a guy buy with all this cash?
想想瑞克会买什么 Yeah. Like, what would Rick buy?
康妮来电
怎么了 我正在忙 What's up? I'm kind of in the middle of something.
很快问一下 Hey, quick question.
如果钱不是问题我会买什么 What would I buy if money was no object?
干嘛问我 算了随便 Why are you asking me? You know what, doesn't matter.
我大概会买兰博基尼 I guess I would buy a lamborghini.
最后是兰博基尼休旅车 And finally, the lamborghini urus
结合超跑的灵魂 merges the soul of a sports car
和休旅的功能 with the functionality of an SUV.
除非你开这辆顶级底盘的豪华露营车 You truly can't call yourself a real American
不然你称不上是道地的美国人 till you've been behind the wheel of a marathon coach
这辆多少 built on a prevost chassis. How much for this one?
这宝贝的定价是26万5千 This beauty is priced at $265,000.
别忘了船 Oh, uh, don't forget the boat.
船多少 Oh, yeah. How much for the boat?
两位觉得呢 你们要哪一辆 What do you say, ladies? Which one do you want?
全都要了 We'll take them all.
全美的A&G大卖场都受到影响 我听到了 You know, every a&g store in america is affected as well, so I hear ya.
肯 是吗 I hear ya. Do you, Ken?
你明白像我们这种大企业不赚钱 Do you understand the trickle-down
会产生多大冲击 if corporations like us don't make money?
我们缴不出税 突然道路就修不了 We can't pay taxes. Then suddenly the roads aren't getting fixed.
教师失业 Teachers are losing their jobs.
过不了多久 老百姓就会遭武装抢劫 Before you know it, John q. Public is getting mugged at gunpoint,
也许还有轮奸 maybe gang-raped. Uh...
那警察呢 警察都没了 And where are the cops? There are no more cops.
好 克雷 Okay, Craig, I...
早上7点 Oh, 7:00 A.M.
等一下 我再回电 Yeah, one sec, Craig. I gotta call you back.
我们应该当好人 We're supposed to be the good guys here,
为民众付出 giving everybody a great deal. Shit...
比尔 我有别的电话 Yeah. Hey, you know, bill, I... I actually got another call coming in.
我先转接好吗 I'm going to switch over, okay?
第一优先就是找出 It's a goddamn priority we find out who...
喂 Hello?
嗨 我找肯米勒 Oh, hi. Yes, I'm calling for Ken Miller.
我就是 Speaking.
肯 我是亚伯安德森 Ken, hi. My name is Albert Anderson.
从FBI打来 I'm calling from the federal bureau of investigations
负责你的假优惠券案 about your counterfeit coupon case.
谢天谢地你打来 等一下 Thank god you're calling me. Hey, wait a sec.
我打了好几次 留了一堆言 I have been calling you guys, leaving messages ad nauseam,
你们终于回电 and here you are, finally getting back to me.
还说会很快 听好 This is "real soon"? Let me tell you what.
请尽快派来外勤探员 We need boots on the ground asap right now. Okay, bud?
我是情报分析员 I'm an intelligence analyst
在地下 楼层工作 working out of a sub-subbasement.
毫无外勤经验 My field experience is literally zero.
什么跟什么 别闹了 Yeah, that sounds about right. You got to be fucking kidding me.
没在闹 但我打来想帮忙 Unfortunately, no. But I am calling you because I think I can help.
不要 不要打断我 Yeah, don't... Don't let me stop ya.
讲重点 Give me the master plan here, bub.
这个爽赚达人网站 Okay, uh, well, this savvy super saver website.
界面完全是业余 Now, the interface is complete amateur hour,
但问题是该网站的后端 but the problem is with the site's back end.
我用尽所有可能的工具 I've used every possible tool at my disposal
都一无所获 无解 and I am meeting nothing but dead ends.
IP地址难以追踪 The ip address is untraceable,
无法分析 无Cookie线索 there's no analytics, no cookie trails.
我想说的是 Guess what I'm trying to say is...
到处都碰壁 None of it really adds up.
那你能怎么帮我 Okay, so how's that supposed to help me, Albert?
大概帮不了 Oh, well, I guess it doesn't. But, um...
搞屁 亚伯 讲什么Cookie线索 The fuck, Albert? Talking about cookie trails.
我不懂那一套 I don't know this shit.
你知道这些假优惠券 Do you realize that these counterfeit coupons,
多达几十万张 已经邮寄到全国 tens of thousands of 'em, have been mailed out all over the country?
我要负责 等等 And I'm the one who's supposed to... Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.
你是说邮寄 Did you say mail?
实体信件 不是电子信件 Like, postal, snail mail, not by email?
就是邮局寄的那种 Mail. Like... Like through the post office.
好 帮手马上来 Okay. Help is on the way.
48小时内会有专员过去 Yeah, you're gonna have those boots on the ground within 48 hours.
这样才像话 那我们 Okay, so now we're talking. Now what are we...
他挂断了 没礼貌 And he hung up. Goddamn.
47小时后
肯米勒 Ken Miller?
对 你哪位 Oh, yeah. And you are?
赛门基尔默里 美国邮政调查员 Simon kilmurry, us postal inspector. Oh, with the federal bureau...
抱歉 再说一次 Us... sorry, say that again?
我代表美国邮局 I'm with the us postal service.
邮局 不对 应该要派FBI The postal service? No. No, no. They said that they were sending the FBI.
太夸张了 This is unacceptable. They... I...
那你会干嘛 拿着邮件趴趴走 So what do you do? You, like, carry mail around or something?
拿信的是邮差 我拿枪 That would be a mailman. They carry the mail. I carry a gun.
这间护理用品公司只发出 This company, Kimberly-Clark,
不到1千张的优惠券 issues just under a thousand of these coupons.
但这周为止就回收1万5千张 As of this week, over 15,000 of them have been redeemed.
更糟的是 我们看不出差别 As if that wasn't bad enough, we can't tell the difference
真假难辨 between the real, legitimate coupons and the counterfeits.
感谢你联系FBI Well, I do appreciate you contacting the FBI,
但邮政调查局会接管 but the postal inspectors will take it from here.
感谢你主动提出 I appreciate your initiative,
但这是我的案子 but this is my case. All right?
你会需要我 You're gonna need me on this one.
你不能乱入抢走我的工作 You can't just waltz in here and take the food off my plate.
这件事我管定了 除非你想要跟我搭档 This is my thing. This is my deal. Unless you wanna be partners.
不行 我们不能搭档 We could be partners on this. No. No, we can't be partners.
想知道为何我们不能搭档 And you wanna know why we can't be partners?
因为我是联邦执法人员 'Cause I'm a federal law enforcement officer.
我持枪 解决犯罪 逮捕人 I carry a firearm, I solve crimes, and I arrest people.
你是普通公民 只会抓偷口香糖的 You're a private citizen who chases around 15-year-old girls
未成年少女 for lifting packs of juicy fruit.
除了那个 我还有很多本事 That's one thing I do of many.
我对优惠券无所不知 I-I know coupons. I live coupons.
你向这个网站买券 结果呢 So what happened when you tried to order some off the website?
我没买 What are you... I didn't.
所以你啥都没做 So you've done nothing?
我做了 I did someth...
很多事啊 I did a lot of things. I did...
想知道我做了啥 听好了 You know what I did? Here's what the fuck I did.
我打给FBI求助 I called the FBI, and I said, "can you help me out?"
他们说会派外勤探员来 结果派来一个邮差 They said, "sure, boots on the ground." And then they brought me a postman.
肯 听好 我知道你是优惠券达人 All right, Ken, I tell you what. You seem to know a lot about coupons.
那你何不从这个网站订订看 等他们邮寄过来 So, why don't you order some off the website, and they'll come in the mail.
我们就能知道来自哪里 And then we can all see where they're from.
但丑话说在前面 我们各司其职 But, uh, just to be clear so there's good boundaries in place,
我们不是搭档 we're not partners.
还是你让我 But what about you making me, uh,
当个民意代表之类的 some sort of a deputized citizen or something?
有个头衔就好 Just from a placard standpoint.
民意代表 对 A deputized citizen? Yeah.
那我算什么 成立党会 So what am I doing? Am I forming a posse here?
不是啦 抱歉 No, I'm sorry. It's...
你的行动目标为何 What's your action item?
我的行动目标 快说你的行动目标 My... my actionable item? What is your action item?
行动目标是向这个网站订优惠券 Action item is to order the coupons off the website.
也算个好主意 That's a good I... That was a good idea too.
太好了 Oh, yes.
太阳谷枪展
枪 不不 Guns? No. No way.
免谈 门都没有 Not happening. Never.
逛完后去买麦当劳奶昔 We can go to shake baby after and get a milkshake.
哪一款转卖最有价值 What has the best resale value?
我们在找有利的投资 We're looking for a good investment.
好 可能是这款 All right, well, that'd probably be this here.
这是泵动式战斗散弹枪 This is a keltec ksg tactical shotgun.
压动式枪机 It's pump-action. Right?
你们看过《捍卫任务》系列吧 Now y'all seen John wick, right? John wick movies?
当然 有 Yes. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah.
《捍卫任务》根本是这把枪的 There ain't no better commercial for a gun
最佳广告 than a John wick movie.
基努李维用过这支性感小坏蛋后 The moment Keanu used this sexy bad boy,
价格就一飞冲天 the price just went straight through the roof.
大量购买比较便宜吗 Is it cheaper if we buy them in bulk?
买枪居然跟买菜一样容易 That probably shouldn't have been that easy.
香槟 Champagne?
赞啦 Oh, yeah!
优惠券 优惠券 Coupons! Coupons! Coupons! Coupons!
内华达州 拉斯维加斯
剩下的钱你要怎么处理 What are you going to do with your half of the money?
好 Oh, okay.
我会帮我妈付清房贷 Um, I'm gonna pay off mama Josie's mortgage...
帮她雇个女佣 Mmm, mm-hmm. Hire her a live-in housekeeper,
其他 我还要想想 and then, I don't know.
可能去个漂亮沙滩之类的 I wanna go somewhere exotic. Like somewhere with a beach.
嗯嗯 You know? Mmm.
你呢 你怎么处理 What about you? What are you gonna do with your share?
这个嘛 Well...
想听个疯狂想法 还用说 Okay. You want to hear something crazy? Always.
我预约了试管婴儿诊所 I made an appointment at the fertility clinic.
我知道机会不大 And I know it's a long shot,
但再试一次无妨 but I just figured, why not? You know?
好 瑞克怎么说 Yeah, okay. Uh... what did Rick say?
我没告诉瑞克 I didn't tell Rick.
我希望你陪我去 I was kinda hoping you'd go with me.
康妮 当然 我一定要去 Connie. Of course! You know I gotta go.
你愿意 当然 You will? Yes!
到时这孩子问裘裘阿姨怎么翻身的 'Cause when this little girl asks her auntie jojo the story of her life,
我会说 "ㄚ头 一切从优惠券开始” I'm gonna say, "girl, this all started with a coupon."
地址是一间宠物店 Okay, so what we got here is a address for a pet store,
在堪萨斯州 a petco in Kansas.
我上网查过地图 I Google mapped it.
最近的机场在密苏里州堪萨斯城 The nearest airport is Kansas City, Missouri.
我就替我们订了红眼班机过去 So I took the Liberty of booking us a little red-eye flight over there.
订票了 Booked us? Okay.
肯 不必过去 Ken, we are not doing this. We are not...
堪萨斯 你有检查邮资吗 Kansas, huh? Did you check the postage?
你是说邮票 没有邮票 What, like the stamp? Well, there is no stamp.
他们是用线上邮政服务 They're using an online postage service,
所以也没有邮戳 which also means there's no postmark.
好 信封上的邮递区号 Okay, so... Okay, so the zip code on the postmark
跟回信地址的邮递区号不同 and the zip code on the return address, well, they don't match.
回信地址是堪萨斯 开头66 So, the return address, well, that's Kansas, anything starting with 6-6.
邮票显示85013 And the postage, 8-5-0-1-3,
85开头是亚利桑那州 anything starting with 8-5, that's Arizona.
最后三码013是凤凰城 And the last three digits, 0-1-3, that's Phoenix.
别管回信地址是哪 So screw what the return address says.
这些邮件是来自 These things were mailed...
来自凤凰城 太强了 了不起 Mailed from Phoenix. That's impressive. Holy shit.
借问 I'm sorry.
你真的记得 Did you actually memorize the zip code
全国每个城市的邮递区号 for every city in the country?
我是邮政调查员 肯 I'm a postal inspector, Ken.
没意外的话 And all things being equal,
最简单的解释通常是正解 the simplest explanation tends to be the right one.
我的天 Oh, my god.
如果那些邮件来自凤凰城 So if those things were mailed out of Phoenix,
那背后的犯罪集团就 then the criminal outfit behind these are...
来自凤凰城 也在凤凰城 From Phoenix. Also in Phoenix.
你一定要让我参与 Yeah, that's... you gotta let me in on this thing.
我对凤凰城了若指掌 我每个月都会过去 I'm Mr. Phoenix. I'm there every month.
那里有9间A&G大卖场 我能帮忙 There's nine a&g stores in the area. I can help.
肯 我们谈过了 拜托 Ken, we've been through it. Please, come on.
好 我不该这样的 All right. I shouldn't be doing this.
什么 好 What are you... Okay.
把左手放在我的警徽上 举起右手 Put your left hand on my badge and raise your right hand.
我好兴奋 跟我复述 Oh, holy shit. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Repeat after me.
我肯米勒 在此宣誓 I, Ken Miller, do solemnly swear...
我被恶整了 That I'm being fucked with.
我被 去你的 够了喔 That I'm being... Oh, fuck you, man. Come on!
你以为会怎样 我不知道 What did you think was gonna happen? I don't know.
我没权力让你当副手 我早说了 I don't have the power to make you a deputy on anything. We've talked about it.
我以为你会给我机会 我以为也许你会 Thought you might give me a chance. I thought maybe you would...
听着 你说的对 Okay, listen. Y-You're right.
我这15年都在抓小奸小恶的扒手 Fifteen years I've spent tracking lowlifes shoving shit in their pockets. I get it.
但这是重大案件 But it's a real case. I... I...
我以为你会给我机会干大事 I thought you'd give me a chance at doing something that actually mattered.
讨厌 I... oh, shit.
也许你能帮忙 Maybe you can help.
你熟悉凤凰城 你已经教我 You do know Phoenix, and you already gave me
许多优惠券的冷知识 a really good lead with those coupons.
还有我不想要你难过 And I don't want you to feel bad.
烟酒枪炮管理局 缉毒局 FBI Atf, DEA, FBI,
那些逊咖都已经飞去堪萨斯州 most of those assholes would already be on a plane to Kansas by now.
但谁都骗不了邮局 But you can't cheat the mail.
谁都骗不了时间 And you can't cheat father time.
你受训多年要付出代价 There is a price to pay for all your training over the years.
说白了 这是你的最后机会 I hate to say it. This is... your last shot.
既然这样 Well...
我迫不及待赌他一把 I'm egg-cited to give it a go.
那就给他拼了 听好了 Egg humor. Well, here's one for you.
上次我们试过 Uh, last time we tried this,
你的平均卵子数只剩4或5颗 your average yield was only four or five eggs.
加油 阿姐 Whew. Damn, girl.
好消息是 But the good news is that we still have
我们还留下一些瑞克的精子 some of Rick's sperm from last time. So...
一定要用他的精子 Uh, do we have to use his sperm?
不一定 可是 Well, no, but...
他是你先生 I mean, he is your husband.
我们想要货比三家 Yeah, I think we'd like to shop around.
没有照片 没有照片 Okay, so there's no photos? No photos.
太不人性化了 It feels like a huge flaw in the system. Aw.
那个呢 我查一下 What about that one? Oh. Well, let's take a closer look.
天啊 Geez.
捐精者精力旺盛 有超过400瓶 This donor was very active. We have over 400 vials.
400 对 400? Yeah.
190公分 高智商 6'2", high IQ,
极高的精子游动能力 extremely high motility levels. Ooh.
他的精子就像奥运游泳选手 His little guys are like olympic swimmers.
奥运 嗯 Olympic? Uh-huh.
嗨 精虫哥 Hello, Mr. Baby batter.
说真的 You know what?
一定有许多女性负担不起优质精子 I bet a lot of women can't afford high-quality sperm.
我们能打折卖她们 We could get it to them at a discount price.
可以付现吗 Do you take cash?
我们刚花了33万买男人的精子 Did we just spend $330,000 on one man's sperm?
我们包准是首创卖精子洗钱的人 You know, I bet we'll be the first people to launder money selling semen.
对吧 Right?
搞不好 I don't know.
瑞士 瑞士打来的电话 Getting a call from Switzerland.
好怪 Weird.
喂 Hello?
嗨 蒂纳 Oh, hey, Tina.
你在瑞士 Are... are you in Switzerland?
对喔 你在这里 Oh, no, right. You're here.
原来你就在外面 Oh, you're here, here.
好 我们很快出去 Yeah, okay. Uh, we'll be out in a jiff.
她来了 She's here. Oh.
谭贝 水果口香糖 Tempe, juicy fruit?
知道我为什么带你们来这里 Any idea why I brought you guys here?
不知道 不知 No. No.
你们的钱跑去哪了 Where the fuck is all your money?
这个喔 Oh, that. We... Oh.
别紧张 没事的 Um, relax. Girl, we got it.
我们都搞定了 We took care of everything. I mean, we're self-starters.
记得你称赞我们是犯罪女王吧 就是我们 We're queenpins. Remember you said? That's who you're looking at.
你说过 犯罪女王 You said it. "Queenpins."
我们把钱洗了 We're cleaning it!
你们为什么要洗钱 Okay. And, uh, why are you cleaning it?
因为是脏钱 那是脏钱 蒂纳 Because it's... dirty. It's dirty, Tina.
你们没有脏钱 知道为什么吗 You don't have any dirty money. Do you know why?
因为黑妞变女神这个空头公司 'Cause your front company back-2-black's sole purpose
唯一目的就是帮你们洗钱 is to clean your money.
你是说 你是告诉我们 So, you're... You're telling us that w...
等等 我们不必 Wait. That we don't...
所有钱早就干净了 我的天 All the fucking money is already clean? Oh, my god.
我真是受够你们了 I'm just, like, over you guys.
我能有话直说吗 好 Can I be honest? Yeah.
你当初就该让我们写下来 同感 I wish you would've let me write... That's what I'm saying.
你不让她写下来 我们哪记得 You didn't let her write it down, so we didn't know.
我要便条纸 你说是脏钱 我回家就 I asked for a pad. You said it was dirty. I got home. I...
好 你们每隔几天就去银行 All right. You're gonna go to the bank every couple of days.
小额慢慢提款 Just take the money in small increments. Okay?
再小额慢慢存进银行 And put it in the bank in small increments.
你们行吗 不会搞砸 Can you do that? And not fuck that up?
完全没问题 We can... That's something we can totally do.
我们 We St... We, um...
我们还剩一些钱 但 We still have some of it left, but...
我们买了一些东西 We bought a few things.
一些东西 A few things?
你们说一些东西 这不只一些吧 You guys said a few things. This is not a few things.
事情严重了 你们得卖掉 This is a big red flag. You need to sell this shit now.
好 Okay. Yeah.
我们也买了一堆枪 We also bought a bunch of guns.
枪 枪要上哪去卖 Guns? Where are you gonna sell guns?
我们会想办法 We're gonna figure that out.
或是网拍 Or eBay.
或是网拍 我立马想到 Or eBay. Was my first thought.
邮件比什么都来得伟大 肯 There's nothing more important than the mail, Ken.
大家把内心想法写在纸上 People put pen to paper with their innermost thoughts.
藏在信封里 贴上邮票 And then they seal it in an envelope, and they put a stamp on it.
他们把秘密托付给我们寄送 They trust us with their secrets, and we deliver.
好 可是 Yeah, no, I guess...
我很难相信有人 I have a hard time believing anybody gives a hoot
收到邮件会在乎 when they get a letter in the mail.
是吗 Yeah.
我有种感觉 I have a feeling that Leo f. Sullivan
李欧苏利文就会在乎收到邮件 gave a hoot about getting a letter in the mail.
日期1918年10月16日 Marked October 16th, 1918.
"亲爱的玛丽” "Dear Mary,
"几周前我收到你的两封信” I received two of your letters a couple weeks ago,
"照常带给我很大的鼓舞” and they brought the usual amount of good cheer.
"那些信跟着我上前线” Those letters made the trip with me to the front,
"我只要把手放进口袋” and now all I have to do is put my hand in my pocket,
"它们就在里面” and there you are.
"我跟汤姆霍布克神父说” I spoke to father Tom holbrook
"我内心极度渴望返家找你” about my big desire within to return to you
"我感到椎心之痛 想见刚出生的艾琳 抱她入怀” and the ache in my heart to meet our little Irene and hold her in my arms.
"我最后一次告解” I took my last confession
"问心无愧要前往战场” and now head out to battle with a clear conscience
"我心里充满对你的思念 我亲爱甜美的玛丽” and a heart full of thoughts of you, my dear, sweet Mary.
"至死不渝 李欧苏利文” "As ever I remain, Leo f. Sullivan."
我想有些人会在乎收到信 肯 I think some people do care about getting a letter, Ken.
等等 后来呢 什么意思 Wait, what? What happened? What do you mean what happened?
他有回来吗 Did he make it?
他在战争后有幸存吗 You know, did he, um... Did he survive the battle?
李欧有没有回来不是重点 Doesn't matter if Leo made it or Leo didn't make it.
信回来了 What matters is that the letter survived. The letter made it.
我们使命必达 And it's something that we take very seriously.
对 我懂 Yeah, I get that. I just...
我只是忍不住去想苏利文一家 It's hard not to think about the Sullivan family.
那玛丽呢 她变寡妇了 What... whatever happened to Mary? Did she become a widow?
肯 那是一百年前 Ken. Ken, it was a hundred years ago.
苏利文一家可能都死了 All the sullivans are probably dead.
我很好奇他有抱到艾琳吗 I wonder. Did he ever get to hold Irene?
他们是你的亲戚吗 Are these relatives of yours? Are they...
大家本是同根生 对吧 I think we're all related in some ways. Don't you, Ken?
欢迎来到凤凰城 Welcome to Phoenix.
5千平方英里的酷热沙漠 幅员广大 5,000 square miles of hot-as-shit desert, suburban sprawl.
这就像大海捞针 Yeah, well, some haystacks are bigger than others,
但坏人就在里面 but the bad guys are out there.
他们麻烦大了 Trouble for them,
他们想透过邮件做坏事 they decided to do bad things through the mail.
我们就用邮局的招式放大招 Now we're gonna handle this the post office way.
真希望你没给我读那封信哦 Yeah, I kinda wish you hadn't read me that letter.
我不停想着那个人有没有活着 I can't stop thinking if that guy survived or not.
肯 你没抓到重点 Oh, Ken, you're missing the point of it.
目前气温32度 吹西南风 Where the temperature is currently 89 degrees, southwest winds...
家里怎么了 Hey. What's going on around here?
我们买了新电视 Did we get a new TV?
什么都瞒不住你 I can't get anything past you.
原本是惊喜 It was supposed to be a surprise.
你要我去找工作 You know, you telling me to get a job
正好激励我发掘自己的潜能 was exactly the push I needed to realize I could do better.
所以我挺身前进 找到了工作 So I marched out there, and I got a job.
什么工作 A job doing what?
业务 无聊老套的业务工作 Sales. Just a boring old sales job.
大多是填订单和装信封的活 You know, filling orders and stuffing envelopes mostly.
你还在收集优惠券吗 And the couponing? What's going on with that?
我不用优惠券了 Oh, I don't use coupons anymore.
你在唬我吧 You're shitting me.
希望你别介意 I hope you don't mind.
我第一次领薪水就给你买了个4K电视 I used my first paycheck to buy you your 4k TV.
我干嘛介意 Why would I mind? I mean...
我有全新的电视和全新的老婆 Got a brand-new TV and a brand-new wife.
对 升级版的康妮 Yep. Connie 2.0.
等着看 Enjoy.
你确定植入胚胎前 Are you sure you don't wanna discuss this with your husband
不问你先生 before I implant the embryos?
别忘了 播完种就来不及了 Remember, I can't UN-bake the cake.
老兄 这是她的身体 她的选择 Dude. It's her body. It's her choice.
不必 No.
我们不用他的种 We didn't use any of his ingredients.
他不值得收成 He doesn't deserve a piece of my cake.
A&G大卖场
大家都认识肯米勒 防损专员 You all know Ken Miller, the store's lpo.
旁边那位是赛门基尔默里 And with him is Simon kilmurry.
他是FBI探员 想要问你们 He's an FBI agent who wants to ask you...
是邮政调查员 那是啥 A postal inspector. What's that?
我是美国邮政调查员 I'm a us postal inspector.
他是美国邮政调查员 随便啦 Oh. He's a postal inspector, whatever that means.
我们要找有哪些顾客 有可疑的优惠券使用习惯 We're just looking for any customers with strange coupon habits,
任何不当的用券活动 使用频率 any irregular coupon activity, uh, frequency of use,
哪些顾客有惊人的存款 any customers who have unusually high savings.
首先 顾客根本忘记我们也是人 First of all, people literally forget you're even a human being.
她会教训我用塑料袋会毁灭地球 Then she's gonna lecture me on how plastic bags are killing our planet
一副塑料袋是我发明的一样 like I'm the asshole who invented plastic.
我们称她"等等 我有优惠券”姐 We call her the "oh, wait. I have a coupon" lady
因为她付完钱才会想到有优惠券 'cause she only remembers she has a coupon in her hand after she's paid.
我们称他"狗屁先生” 因为他会逼你去检查库存 We call him "Mr. Bullshit" 'cause he makes you check in the back for stuff.
每次跟他说没货了 他总是大叫"狗屁” And every time we tell him we're out, he always screams out, "bullshit!" Yeah.
就这样 希望有用 Well, I guess that's it. Hope it helps.
等等 还有一位收银员 Oh, wait. We do have one other cashier.
我称她"优惠券肖婆” I call her the "crazy coupon lady."
笑得很假 Got this smile plastered across her face,
每次手上都有一叠优惠券 ridiculous amount of coupons in her hand every time.
搞到后面的顾客等到天荒地老 And, of course, everybody's backed up, waiting, waiting, waiting.
他们就会不爽我 干我屁事 And they're getting pissed at me. At me!
最讨厌的是 And the worst part... Okay.
她有一句口头禅 She had this fucking catchphrase, okay,
每次离开前她都会说这句话 this little saying she would spew at me every time before she left.
我整个人 "Watch the pennies,
"省小钱有的没的” "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." And I'm like...
抱歉 没听清楚 I'm sorry, I gotta back you up there.
你是想说 Did you say... was the phrase,
"省小钱才能赚大财”吗 "watch the pennies, and then the dollars will take care of themselves"?
对 一模一样 Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly it.
好 我们有共识了 Okay, we're connecting then now. We're connecting here.
请问她叫什么 这女人的名字 So let me ask you this. What is her name? What is this woman's name?
我哪知 我恨透她了 I don't know her name, man. I fucking hate her.
你结账时看过她的信用卡 But you've done the transactions. You see the card.
你一定记得她的名字吧 优惠券肖婆 I'm sure you got her name, right? Crazy coupon lady.
形容一下她的长相 她是矮冬瓜 Description. What does she look like? She's, like, three feet tall.
找人像素描家来 好啦 Call a sketch artist! Okay.
我们要找人来 We gotta have somebody down here.
请待在这里一下 才能拼凑出线索 Can you stay there for a second?
肯 借一步说话 Ken, Ken. I'd like to talk to you for just a minute.
很好 别忘了 This is good. Don't forget the...
记住我们谈到哪 先出去 Remember where we were at. Come on. Let's go.
你不能吼他 You can't be screaming at him.
你对着他吼 "找人像素描家来” What did you scream at the guy, "call a sketch artist"?
你当那女的是杀人魔 Yeah, I... Who do you think she is, keyser size?
肯 冷静点 Ken, just take it down a notch.
慢慢来 好吗 我会慢下来 Slow it all down. Okay? I'm slowing it down,
我会慢慢跟你说到底怎么回事 and I'm going to slowly tell you exactly what happened there.
他给我们的线索就是破案关键 He gave us the seed that's gonna become the fucking branches, okay?
就是那个女人 什么 That lady, that's the gal. What does it...
就是她 你没听到那句话 That's the gal! That phrase. Did you not hear it?
"省小钱才能赚大财” "Watch the pennies. Dollars take care of themselves." That's...
爽赚达人网站就是这样写的 I mean, that is literally plastered on the savvy super saver website.
好 有意思 有帮助 Okay. Well, that is interesting. That's helpful.
你知道当地顾客平均 And did you know that your average shopper
开车2.27英里才能到达最近的卖场 travels 2.27 miles to their nearest local grocery store?
真的 你确定 真心不骗 Is that true? Are you right about that? Yeah. That's a fact.
那表示我们的范围从5千平方英里 If you are, that means our haystack just went from 5,000 square miles
缩到半径2英里 范围变小了 down to a two-mile radius... We're shrinking it.
我们该派人来 看着我 And we should get boots on the ground. Look at me.
有你的 肯 太棒了 谢谢 That's good, Ken. That's great. Thanks.
待会别大声叫 好吗 Now do it without the screaming, okay?
只是有点激情 我是有激情的人 It's just passion. I'm a passionate man.
你可以有激情 但别当白痴 You can be passionate without being an idiot.
嗨 嗨 Hey. Hi.
阿姐 网拍没用 Ugh, girl, eBay is a bust.
太复杂 卖得不够快 It's just too much. I can't sell it fast enough.
怎么办 又不能拿到跳蚤市场卖 What are we gonna do? It's not like we can have a yard sale for all this shit.
美国邮政调查员
我们在调查一支假优惠券集团 We are investigating a counterfeit coupon ring
我们相信在你们的邮务路线内 that we believe is operating somewhere within your postal routes.
收信型态主要是信封 Now, the mail that's being picked up is primarily envelopes
回信地址是堪萨斯 标示著"爽赚达人” with a Kansas return address and marked "savvy super saver."
嫌犯是白人女性 接近40岁 大约155公分 Suspect is a Caucasian female, late 30s, approximately 5'1".
证人形容她笑得很假又有优越感 One witness described her as overly cheerful with a superiority complex.
不确定有没有共犯 She may or may not have accomplices.
厄尔 你那个老是不停的巴拉巴拉的那个妹呢 Hey, Earl, what about that gal you won't stop blabbing about?
我不晓得他在说什么 Um, not sure I know what he's talking about.
就是那个妹啊 她拍了很多优惠券影片 You know, the girl. She makes all these coupon videos.
抱歉 你说"优惠券影片” I'm sorry. Did you say "coupon videos"?
我谁都不认识 I don't know nothing about nobody, uh...
那个妹住在克莱顿大道 The girl. Yeah, she lives over on, uh, Clayton Avenue.
她叫什么 可可 裘裘 叫裘裘对吧 还是可可 What's her name? Uh, coco? Jojo? It's jojo, right? Or is it coco?
等等 你说是白人 糗大了 当我没说 Hold on. You said she's Caucasian? Whoopsie-Daisy. Never mind.
她是黑妞 She's a black gal. A black woman. Lady. So...
靠 看那持枪男 Oh, shit. Look. These open carry dudes.
嗨 有燕麦奶吗 Hi. Do you have oat milk?
在那里 Oat milk is over there.
也许他们有兴趣买我们的枪 Oh. Maybe they want to buy our guns?
早 两位要点什么 你好 Morning. What can I get for you two? Hey, what's up, baby?
我要脱脂焦糖玛奇朵 康妮 Let me grab a skinny caramel macchiato. Connie.
大杯黑咖啡 你在干嘛 Large coffee. Black. What are you doing?
正点 Nice.
让我忍不住一直看 你们是什么爱枪社的成员吗 Couldn't help but notice. Are you fellas part of some sort of gun club?
我们只是实践持枪的权利 Just practicing our right to bear arms...
好 顺便来买咖啡 Oh, okay. While we pick up coffee.
史蒂芬妮的两杯玛奇朵 是我 I got two macchiatos for Stephanie. Oh, that's me.
史蒂芬妮 嗨 你们呢 嗨 Stephanie. Hiya. And you are? Hey.
我是响尾蛇 I'm rattlesnake.
好响亮 响尾蛇 That's catchy. Rattlesnake.
沙人 这也不错 Sandman. That's a good one too.
我有个提议 Hey, I was wondering...
我们不知道会去哪 也不知道这些人的来历 We don't know where we're going. We don't know who these people are.
我们知道 他有给我导航定位 Yes, we do. He dropped me a pin.
他有给你导航定位 对 Oh, he dropped you a pin. Yeah.
所以很安全啰 傻眼 So we know... we're good now. That's it. Jojo.
裘裘 你要我说什么 我们又不能去跳蚤市场卖 What do you want me to say? It's not like we can have a yard sale, okay?
你教我推销要无所不用其极 And you just do what you do on your sales calls, like you taught me.
把顾客拱为英雄 You make the customer the hero.
英雄 对 The hero? Yeah.
他们搞不好是恐怖组织耶 These guys could be kkk, Aryan brotherhood, anything.
你要我把他们拱为英雄 And you want me to make them the heroes?
我高度怀疑 你有看到响尾蛇点什么吗 I highly doubt that, okay? Did you see what rattlesnake ordered?
焦糖玛奇朵不是恐怖组织会喝的啦 A caramel macchiato doesn't sound very kkk to me.
我惹上什么麻烦吗 Am I in any kind of trouble here, or...
看你表现 厄尔 Well, it's kind of up to you, Earl.
你想与虎共舞吗 You gonna dance with the tiger?
你会配合 什么 You gonna play some ball? I'm sorry...
我不确定谁会与什么虎共舞 I'm not quite sure who the tiger is that someone would be dancing with, Earl.
厄尔 你有听懂 不懂 Are you? No, sir.
合作就对了 介意我叫你厄尔 It's about cooperation. Do you mind if I call you Earl?
没问题 Oh, no. No problem.
厄尔 你在邮局做多久了 Earl, how long have you been with the post office?
11年了 11年 Oh, well, it's going on eleven years now. Eleven years.
你大多跑相同路线 And have you had the same route for most of it?
对 我喜欢老路线 Oh, yes, sir. That's how I like it.
你快能领退休金了吧 Okay. And probably getting pretty close to your pension here?
当然了 Oh, you bet. Yes.
厄尔 那女的是谁 Who's the Earl, girl?
快说那女的是谁 我被逮捕了 Who's the girl, Earl? Whoa, am I under arrest here?
你没被逮捕 天啊 好大声 我也吓到了 No, you're not under arrest. God, that was loud. It scared me too.
但我们需要答案 But we need some answers.
你同事提到优惠券影片 The guy out there is talking about coupon videos.
你装得一无所知 You seem to not know a darn thing about it.
与我无关 我不知道他在说啥 That had nothing to... I don't know what he was talking about.
你能找亚当谈 我不知道任何女生的事 You might want to talk to Adam, 'cause I have no idea about any girl...
亚当 姓什么 飞利浦 Adam. What's his last name? Phillips.
飞利浦 电器品牌 Adam Phil... two l's?
你没有全盘供出 You're not giving me enough here!
很明显厄尔毫无所知 I think it's pretty clear that Earl doesn't know anything.
你同事一定是记错了 I think your coworker must have got his signals crossed somehow.
对 很抱歉 Yes, sir. Unfortunately, there is one kind
讯问吓到你了 of uncomfortable question pertaining to this.
对 Yes, sir.
你和老虎跳过舞吗 Have you ever danced with a tiger?
他在说冷笑话 It was his joke. It wasn't...
老虎舞 跳个屁 Tiger dance. What are you... don't dance.
总之谢了 感恩 没问题 Anyway, thank you so much. I appreciate you.
抱歉 让你搞糊涂了 Sure thing. No problem. Sorry about the confusion.
没关系 送信愉快 Oh, no. It's cool. Have a good time out there.
搞屁 我差点让他招了 The hell was that? I had him on the ropes.
大吼大叫不会让别人招的 Screaming at somebody doesn't make 'em tell you the truth.
他快锉屎 我都让他动摇了 He could've been sweating bullets. I had him bent, man.
不跟你吵了 我们去兜风吧 Let's agree to disagree. We're gonna go for a ride.
嗨 厄尔 Hey, Earl!
嗨 Oh, hey!
你的信 There you go. Yeah.
最上面给裘裘的信超重要的 Uh, that top one right there for jojo is real, real important, Ms. Johnson.
她八成在搞鬼 Oh, that girl been up to something.
答应我她会收到信 强森太太 You just gotta promise that she get that letter, Ms. Johnson.
你是邮差 我懂你职责所在 Oh, yeah, yeah, you the mailman. Now, I get how this shit works.
听不到在聊什么 Yeah, I don't know about that interaction.
但他杵在那里 And now he's just standing there.
监理数据库查出 克莱顿1579号登记两个名字 The dmv database lists two names at 1579 Clayton.
乔瑟芬强森 60岁 Josephine Johnson, 60 years of age,
乔安娜强森 33岁 and Joanna Johnson, 33 years of age.
乔安娜强森 Joanna Johnson.
什么怪声 The fuck's that sound?
高温造成车子过热 风扇又挂了 It's 120 degrees. Car's overheating, and the fan's dying.
把车窗拉下来 我要熄火 Go ahead. Roll down your windows, and, uh, I gotta kill the engine here.
真衰 That's no good.
好 Ooh. Okay.
乔安娜强森 乔安娜强森 都是开头 裘裘 Joanna Johnson. Joanna John... jj. Jo...
不就是裘裘 Oh! Jojo?
我们真是疯了 不妙 手机收不到讯号 你呢 We must be crazy. Oh, my god. I don't have any cell service. Do you?
放轻松 我保证绝不会让你出事 Will you relax? I promise I will not let anything happen to you.
你保证不了这种事 You can't promise that.
你竟然拉我跳火坑 You have no idea what you're asking me to do here.
我了解 I understand.
你才不了解 No, you do not understand.
好 这是什么鬼 All right. What the fuck is this?
好 Okay.
等等 那是直升机 什么 Wait. Is that a helicopter? What?
也太壮观了 我的天 Talk about a stockpile. Yikes.
哇哇 那是导弹 Oh, my god. Is that a missile?
好 Okay.
我们来搬 靠你们了 We got it. All right. Oh, you're gonna get...
两位 谢谢 Gentlemen. Thank you. Whoop.
感恩 Oh, sure.
这是痛苦队长 This is captain pain.
我跟你说的就是这些枪 These are the guns I was telling you about.
痛苦队长 我是康妮 Captain pain. Connie.
史蒂芬妮卡明斯基 幸会 Stephanie kaminski. Nice to m... meet you.
这个地方太酷了 This is a cool place you guys have.
这都什么鬼东西啊 What the fuck is this? All right, boys.
各位 你们跟我们一样爱枪吧 I think you guys love guns as much as I love guns, right?
我们跟你朋友响尾蛇说过 So, uh, like we told your friend rattlesnake,
我们刚好有多的库存 we just happen to have a surplus in our stockpile.
买太多 One too many. Personal favorite.
我的最爱 泵动式战斗散弹枪 This here is the keltec pump-action shotgun.
安啦 还没上膛 Easy, easy. It's cool.
康妮 示范给他们看 It's not loaded. You can ch... Connie, just show 'em.
握持容易 市场上装弹最快 Easy to handle, quickest reload on the market. You know, even...
沙人 你要看一下吗 Do you wanna take a look at that, sandman?
好热 我快昏倒了 我找到了 So hot. I'm gonna faint. I just found it. It's, uh...
地方妈妈的说词 She says, and I quote,
"有个朋友传来一支影片” "有个黑人女生讲个不停” "a friend sent a video of an African-American woman going on and on."
那个女人就出现在优惠券影片里 That woman was in a coupon video.
没意外的话 别说 我来接 And all things being equal... Uh, the... don't say it.
"最简单的解释通常是正解” "The simplest explanation tends to be the right one." Yeah.
那你在哪 裘裘 裘裘在哪 So, where are you, jojo? Where are you, jojo?
没得谈 No deal.
收一收 走人 等等 All right. Let's wrap it up. Let's go. Wait, wait.
我们只是觉得这是脏钱 No. It's just... we thought the money was dirty, so w...
你说什么 What did you say?
谁的钱脏 嫌我们钱脏 等等 Whose money's dirty? Our money's dirty? Wait!
是我们的钱 你刚才说什么 We thought our money... What did you just say?
别激动 她的意思是我们赚了一笔钱 Don't even... what she meant was, we came into a bunch of fucking money.
过程不重要 It doesn't matter how.
我们以为钱很脏 但不是 We thought it was dirty. It was not.
我们买了这些枪 现在要脱手 We bought all these guns, and now we have to off-load them.
就这样 That's it.
我们会给你们优惠 And we'll give you a really good discount.
多优惠 What kind of discount?
每支1100元 全部7万 那是零售价 Eleven hundred each? Seventy thousand? That's retail.
才不是零售价 少来 That is not retail! Get outta here, dude.
5万5 Fifty.
6万5 6万 Sixty-five. Sixty.
6万5 买到赚到 Sixty-five. It's a good deal.
好 成交 Okay. You got a deal.
我们全拿了 We'll take 'em all.
别那样 肯 Don't do that. Ken.
别那样 抱歉 I'm sorry. Don't do that.
够了喔 Don't do that.
抬头 快抬头 快点 Yo, heads up. Heads up.
好 Okay.
是她吗 那是裘裘 Is that her? Is that j... That's jojo?
对 她停进右边车道 Yeah. Well, she pulled in the right driveway.
答案马上揭晓 Well, we'll see in a minute here.
裘裘 裘裘 裘裘 Jojo! Jojo! Jojo!
裘裘 裘裘 Jojo! Jojo! Jojo!
裘裘 Jojo! Jo...
好 成交 Okay. You got a deal.
她在干嘛 What the hell is she doing?
幸福是当你所想 所说和所做 Happiness is when what you think, say and do...
你想那是乔安娜强森吗 Think that's Joanna Johnson?
那是裘裘 That's jojo.
接着要找出她跟谁合作 Now we just gotta see who she's working with.
好棒 我到底是看到了 Wow. That was quite a show.
接下来呢 Yeah. The hell? So, okay, now what?
接下来 我们就等着 Now. Now we wait.
等着 Wait?
我们已经等了一整天 Isn't that what we been doing all damn day?
何不冲进她家门口 敲门抓她 Why don't we just go on her front lawn, knock on the door and arrest her?
抓她 什么罪名 Arrest her? Arrest her for what?
在自家车道开演唱会 For putting on a damn show in her driveway?
肯 要收集证据 You know, Ken, you actually do have to collect evidence.
要在这待一晚上 Okay, well, if we're gonna be here all dang night,
我就把裤子穿好 then I'm just gonna pull my trousers up.
什么声音 What's that noise?
那个声音 That noise.
那是 天啊 That's the... oh, god.
老天 你有固定作息吗 Geez. Are you regular?
每天早上我固定上大号 Every morning, I shit like clockwork.
所以那是大便闹钟 So what is that, some kind of a shit alarm?
还有闹铃 No... What's with the chimes?
闹铃有抚慰作用 让我作息正常 Yeah, well, the chimes are soothing. They set things in motion.
我只想知道怎么回事 I'm just trying to find out what's going on.
妈 别管怎么回事 Ma, it's none of your business. No, hey, hey!
少来 我又不是你朋友 I'm not one of your little friends... ow.
每次我凶你都会心痛 Oh. Every time I yell at you, it hurts.
我称作我的裘裘痛 I call it my jojo pain.
妈 Ma.
对不起 来爱的抱抱 I'm sorry. Okay, mama? Come here.
我的老妈 Oh! My mama.
对不起 我只是努力工作 I'm sorry. I'm just working hard, okay? Mm-hmm.
不然我哪能买一堆新家用 还付清所有账单 How you think I'm able to buy all this new stuff and pay all these bills?
昨天又来一叠账单 Another stack of them bills shown up here yesterday.
我待会搞定 Okay. I'm gonna take care of it later.
爱你 妈 待会见 Love you, ma. See you later, yeah? Mm-hmm.
别太晚回来 Don't come in here late!
裘裘
等等 目标移动了 Hold up. Target's on the move.
睁大眼睛 保持警戒 好 Eyes open. Just stay alert here. All right.
好 Okay.
保持镇定 肯 钓到大鱼了 Hold it together, Ken. This is your white whale.
黑妞变女神彩妆
你听过邮递区号先生吗 You ever hear of Mr. Zip?
从来没听过 No, I haven't heard of that guy.
罗伯摩恩 Robert a. Moon. Mmm.
你要攻顶圣母峰就要跟随 You don't get to the top of mount Everest by following...
他是邮递区号的幕后天才 He's the genius behind the zip code.
这段旅程的目的地 The journey is the destina...
在这里转向再绕回来 We'll turn around up here and circle back.
说真的 憋大便很不健康 Yeah, I'm just saying it's not good to hold it in.
天啊 Oh, god. Hang on.
等等 这台小休旅车从哪来的 Where'd the minivan come from?
我不想吓你 赛门 I don't wanna startle you, Simon,
但事先声明 ut, uh, you should know
我打算拉个痛快了 that I'm prepared to take this thing the whole way.
啥 What?
你在说什么 What are you saying?
我会拉在裤子上 没关系 I'm gonna shit my pants, but that's okay.
不行 有关系 No. Actually, Ken, that's not okay.
这种事不管在哪都有关系 Okay? There's not a world that exists where that would be okay.
在这里就没关系 情非得已 Well, in this world it does exist. This is real.
你得接受 我又下不了车 You gotta embrace it 'cause i'm not getting out of this vehicle.
肯 Ken.
不准拉在车里 You don't shit... You don't shit in the car.
我要去一趟银行 很快回来 Okay, I'm gonna do a bank run. I'll be back in a jiff.
没问题 Perfect.
人会被迫做出困难决定 我也是 All men are forced to make difficult decisions. This is mine.
我们快破案了 而我辛苦了这么久 We're too close, and I have come too far.
我听进去你的话了 I hear everything you're saying.
不准拉在车里 You don't shit in the car, Ken.
绝对不能拉在车里 You don't shit in the car.
车是租的 付清洁费后就可以走人 It's a rental. You pay a cleaning fee. Everybody moves on.
对 是我租的 Yeah, it's a rental that I rented.
多数人想要拉屎也不会说 Most people wouldn't even tell me that they had to shit.
他们会找借口下车 They just would make up an excuse and they'd get out of the car, okay?
你是成人了 肯 You're a grown man, Ken.
去厕所 Go walk to the restroom.
拉在马桶里 Go shit in the fucking brush.
我不在乎 想办法去拉屎 I really don't care. Just figure it out and go and take a...
中大奖了 Holy shit.
接近40岁 Late 30s.
瘦小 大约155公分 笑得很假 Slim build, 5'1". Seems cheerful enough.
钓到大鱼了 My white whale.
要喷了 Ah. There she blows.
要死啦 Jesus Christ!
你是畜生啊 Fucking animal.
你是疯了 Are you serious?
还是有病 Are you fucking crazy?
要命 没人会在车上拉屎 Jesus Christ! You can't just take a shit in a car.
我知道 抱歉 I know. I'm sorry.
坦白说 这好像诺曼底登陆 To be fair, this is like my beach in normandy...
屁啦 这不英勇 是闪便 No, it's not. This isn't heroic. This is bad stomach management.
你的屁股闻起来像户外趴的毛坑 Your ass smells like a fucking outhouse at a carnival.
学狗狗去草地擦屁股 Go wipe your ass like a puppy on the grass.
带着那个臭屁股滚出去 Get that fucking ass out of here.
我不想沾到椅子 I don't wanna get it on the seat,
那我换个姿势坐 so I'm gonna sit up like this, or something.
我们逮到她了 Well, we got her.
美国邮政调查员
2010年银色道奇休旅车 A silver 2010 dodge caravan.
车主登记为康妮卡明斯基 Now, that is registered to Connie kaminski,
娘家名康妮史蒂文斯 堪萨斯州奥拉西出身 born Connie Stevens of olathe, Kansas,
父母双亡 最妙的是 前奥运选手 uh, both parents deceased, and get this, former olympian.
奥运选手 哪个项目 竞走 Olympian? What event? Racewalking.
听你在骗人 有竞走这个项目 That's not real. Did you say racewalking? That's a real thing?
这个项目不受重视又常被取笑 It's a largely ignored but often ridiculed event,
就像优惠券的概念 kinda like couponing.
你为什么穿着睡裤 Why are you wearing pajama pants?
他出了个意外 我是为大局着想 I took one for the team. Yeah. He had an accident.
随性一点无妨 Nothing wrong with a little elasticity.
公务员都太严肃 Except in a professional environment.
我想搞怪一下 继续 I wish I was dressed different. Moving on.
收银员葛瑞贾西亚指证了 Now, cashier Greg Garcia corroborated.
就是她 笑得超做作 Ooh! That's her. That giant fucking smile.
有新的发现 I think I got something here.
是收据 租飞机库的 It's an invoice. A lease on an airplane hangar.
飞机库 An airplane hangar?
她们租飞机库干嘛 What the hell are they doing with an airplane hangar?
美国邮政调查员
动作快 准备好 Let's go, boys! Gear up.
我该向你道歉 I think I owe you an apology.
你们活像是FBI You guys are like the FBI.
错 是FBI像我们 Negative. FBI's like us.
别惹上邮局 Don't fuck with the post office.
出任务小心 Uh, you know, careful out there.
祝好运 让专业的来 Good luck, you know. Do your thing.
想不想跟 Wanna do a ride-along?
你在耍我吧 You messing with me?
那是一定要的 That's a 10-4.
别碍事 要听话 Just stay out of the way and listen.
目标是什么来头 So what are we dealing with?
运毒犯 军火走私犯 Drug runners? Arms dealers?
是优惠券 It's coupons.
再说一次 Come again?
是优惠券 两个女人伪造优惠券 It's coupons. It's two women counterfeiting coupons.
警察
那叫我们来干嘛 I mean, this feels like a lot.
不觉得太夸张 老大 You don't think we're coming in a little hot here, boss?
叫我老大 各位 准备战斗了 Boss. All right, gentlemen. Lock and load!
吓死老母 Good lord have mercy, Jesus.
我的亲生小孩打算闷死我 My own child fixing to suffocate me.
妈 什么嘛 Ma. Oh, my gosh.
帮我一下 好 Help me with this thing. Okay, okay.
妈 我不是要闷死你 Ma, I'm not trying to suffocate you.
我是担心你停止呼吸 I thought you stopped breathing or something.
我是要救你 I was trying to save your ass. Mm-hmm.
妈 我失眠 说不上来就很焦虑 Ma, I can't sleep. I don't know. I'm just anxious. I...
我怕有坏事 I fear something bad must have happened.
肯 是 长官 Ken. Yes, sir.
别靠近那间房 遵命 Do not go near that house. No, sir.
我要你待在车旁边 I want you staying by the vehicles.
我会撤退 I will fall back, sir.
你不是军人 肯 是 长官 You are not in the military, Ken. Yes, sir.
别兴奋过头了 Do not get caught up in this moment.
裘裘 你麻烦大了 美眉 Dear jojo, you in some serious shit, girl.
你要立马走人 FBI盯上你了 You need to shake your Booty out of town 'cause the feds are on to you.
你的头号粉丝 From your number one fan.
亲亲抱抱 Hugs and kisses. Feds?
旅行顺利吗 How was your trip?
康妮卡明斯基 你被逮捕了 Connie kaminski. You're under arrest.
亮出手来 手举高 Show me your hands! Show 'em!
手举着 不准动 Keep 'em up. Don't move.
别动 别动 Freeze! Freeze!
搞什么鬼 What the hell is going on here?
我的天啊 好啦 Okay. Oh, my god. Okay.
我是乔安娜强森 警察在我家 Okay. This is Joanna Johnson. The po-po got in my house...
住手 乔安娜强森 我们有逮捕令 Stop! Joanna Johnson! We have a warrant!
我就知道你的新事业有鬼 妈 什么都别说 妈 Girl, I knew you was up to something. Ma, don't say anything. Ma!
我这辈子没遇过警察破门而入 In all my life I never had no police up in my house like this.
快上 快上 Move! Go, go, go!
跟着我 赶快 楼梯安全 With me! Move, move, move! Stairs clear!
真是满坑满谷的优惠券 This is a fuck ton of coupons, sir.
瞧 宝宝尿布 Look, baby diapers.
我用得着 小孩刚生 Could use these. Just had one.
我来搬电脑 长官 满屋子吃的怎么办 I got the computer. Sir, what about this room full of food?
管他的 留着吧 What about it? It's food. Leave it.
快讯 匿名消息协助警方查封凤凰城 Coming up, an anonymous tip helps police seize a stockpile of guns
民兵部队的大量枪支 from a Phoenix militia.
头条 两名当地的优惠券女王 今晚遭监禁 But first, two local coupon queens behind bars tonight
当局声称这是 in what authorities are calling
史上最大的假优惠券骗局 the largest counterfeit coupon scam in history.
美国邮政调查员查抄两名女子的 Us postal inspectors raided the women's...
你好吗 How are you?
听着 我就开门见山说了 Look, let's get down to brass tacks.
我提供证据的话有什么好处 What do I get if I turn state's evidence?
你当真要我相信与你无关 You really want me to believe you don't have anything to do with this?
你只跟我说 我老婆扯上优惠券的事被捕 All you've told me is my wife's been arrested for something involving coupons.
她是用过期的优惠券 What, she used an expired coupon?
你老婆主导一场复杂的金融骗局 Well, your wife ran an intricate financial scam
牵连240家公司 involving over 240 companies,
害他们损失几千万 就在你眼前 costing them tens of millions of dollars, right under your nose.
你又是国税局稽核员 And you're an auditor for the internal revenue service.
我们有各自的银行账户 We have separate bank accounts.
抱歉 你说那个网站叫什么 I'm sorry, what did you say the site was?
精明血拼王 It's savvy shopper or some...
不 完全没印象 抱歉 No, it doesn't... It does not ring a bell. I'm sorry.
我们找回你的影片 We recovered your YouTube videos.
手刀杀过来 快上爽赚达人网站 So shake your little Booty on down to savvysupersaver.Com, okay?
大家一起 爽爽赚 大家一起 爽爽赚 爽赚达人网站 Savvy. Super. Savvy. Super. Savvysupersaver.Com.
因为很重要 所以讲三遍 I'ma get a jingle for that so y'all remember it forever. Okay?
爽赚达人网站 Savvysupersaver.com. We got...
我们明明删掉了 I thought we deleted that shit.
那你听过爽赚达人了吗 Have you ever heard the term, "savvy super saver"?
废话 听过啦 Well, quite obviously, yes. Okay.
我要你跟我进去 I want you to go in there with me.
什么 真的 What? Really?
你比我了解这个女人 没错 I think you understand this woman more than I do, so yeah.
好 Okay.
康妮 这位是肯米勒 Connie, this is Ken Miller.
防损专员 This is the, uh, loss prevention officer
就是他追踪到了你 that was pivotal in tracking you down.
首先来聊聊优惠券 好 For starters, let's talk coupons. Okay.
你们想要知道什么 What do you wanna know?
多数人低估了优惠券 I mean, most people undervalue coupons.
我没低估优惠券 I don't undervalue coupons.
对 你没有 No. I guess you don't.
所以我才在这里 I suppose that's why I'm here.
但多数人低估了 But, you know, most people do.
听听我的想法 你剥削一堆地方妈妈 Well, here's what I think. I think you preyed on people.
没人比你更了解 要怎么精打细算 I think nobody understands better than you that people use coupons to save money
捡优惠券便宜 你就利用了这点 or to buy things that they need, and I think you took advantage of that.
不 你错了 No. No, you're wrong.
我哪里错了 Tell me how I'm wrong.
不是那样的 真不是 That's not really why... That's not what...
那不是大家用优惠券的原因 That's not really why people use coupons.
重点不是你买什么 而是获得一种快感 It's not about what you buy. It's about the, uh... the feeling you get.
有人做过研究 They've done studies.
大家使用优惠券时 催产素指数会暴冲 When folks use coupons, their oxytocin levels,
他们会感到亢奋 they kinda spike and they get that little tingly sensation.
人称"优惠券高潮” They call it the "coupon high."
比爱爱更嗨 强者我朋友说的 Supposedly, it's better than intimacy with another person, or so I've been told.
抱歉 我没搞懂 Sorry, I... I'm unclear. Did you...
你是没用过优惠券 还是你没打过炮 Have you not used a coupon or have you not had sex?
啥 T... what happened?
不 重点不是我 是你 No, that's... oh, no. This is not about me. This is about you.
你的人生美好 康妮 You... you had... You had a good life, Connie.
你有漂亮房子和专情老公 You had the nice house and loving husband.
你何必冒险失去这一切 Wha... why... why would you risk losing all of that?
我知道我值得更多 I knew I was worth more.
你们又懂我的人生了 And what do you know about my life?
你们只看到我的表面 Just 'cause you've watched me from a distance
不代表你们真正了解我 does not mean you really know me.
你就很满意你的生活 You happy with the life that you're living?
你不会想要更丰富的人生 Haven't you ever wanted just a little bit more out of life?
也许我们重视的事不同 Maybe we just value different things.
换作是我 我重视法律 Well, I'll tell you what I value, Connie. I value the law.
就算你想要更丰富的人生 Just because you want a little more out of life
也不代表你可以违法 does not give you an excuse to break those laws.
我没有职权批判你 Now, it is not my job to judge you.
你看起来也像好人 And you seem like a nice enough lady.
但我要你明白 But I want to make sure that you are grasping
你的处境堪忧 the gravity of the situation that you're in.
每诈骗10万判一年 It is one year for every $100,000 of fraud.
所以你偷的钱会让刑期破表 So, with what you've stolen, your sentencing is off the charts.
你会面对40年刑期 You are facing 40 years to life.
什么 What?
谢谢 Uh... Thank you.
你最好找个厉害律师 You should, uh, probably get yourself a really good lawyer.
劝你这次别要求打折 And if I were you, I would pay full price for this one.
他们说关40年 They said 40 years to life.
关40年 Forty years to life?
但他们说只要我扛下所有责任 说一切都是我起头的 But they said that if I took full responsibility for starting all of it,
他们就会对你从轻判刑 they would go easy on you.
不 康妮 那你呢 No, Connie. What about you?
反正我无法翻身了 I'm up a creek either way. It doesn't...
确实是我怂恿你的 I did rope you into it,
我希望能帮你刑责变轻 and if I can make it easier on you, then...
他们居然说我们的行为是诈骗 Can you believe they are calling what we did fraud?
对 有够蠢的 I know, that's so stup...
我们根本没有诈骗谁 对 It's like, we didn't defraud anybody. No.
偷窃也许有一点 也许有偷窃 Now, theft... maybe. A little. Maybe theft. Maybe.
乔安娜强森 Joanna Johnson?
是我 嗨 That's me. Hi.
你保释了 走人吧 You made bail. Let's go.
我老妈 Mama Josie.
康妮卡明斯基 是我 Connie kaminski? Ooh! That's me!
待决犯
我也保释了 不 你有访客 I made bail too? No. You got a visitor.
搞什么 康妮 What the fuck, Connie?
我说我不用优惠券了 I told you that I stopped using coupons.
我只是没说我开始卖优惠券 I just didn't tell you that I started selling them.
这是个好工作 Look, it's a good job.
这哪是工作 It's not a job!
快保释我出去好吗 Would you... Would you just bail me out?
你没有保释的优惠券吗 Oh, you don't have a coupon for that?
瑞克 下次你走进哪里 Rick, next time you walk into a room
感觉大家都不想看到你时 and you think everyone there is sorry to see you,
不是因为你是稽核员 just know it's not 'cause you're an auditor.
是因为你是混蛋 It's 'cause you're an asshole.
老娘要离婚 I'd like a divorce.
厄尔 Earl?
嗨 嗨 Hey! Hey.
送你的 谢谢 These are for you. I... oh, thank you.
我以为是我妈 I thought you were my mama, so...
你妈跟当局合作了 Yeah, well, I think your mama's cooperating with the authorities.
说得通 是啊 That makes sense. Yeah.
谢谢 好窝心 不客气 Well, thank you. This is nice. You're welcome.
你好吗 How you doing?
就 那样了 Um... I'm doing. Yeah. Yeah.
运气太背 Better days.
收到正式数据 Just got the official tally.
价值超过4千万的假优惠券 Over 40 million dollars' worth of counterfeit coupons.
追踪到墨西哥一间美国工厂 We traced it back to a facility in Mexico,
名叫省很大 a us company called advanced solutions.
就是印制原版优惠券的地方 It's the same place that makes the real coupons, yeah.
工厂以前在密歇根州 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Used to be up in Michigan.
为了节省成本搬到墨西哥 他们也有海外工厂 Moved down to Mexico to save some money. They got a factory overseas too.
有查到她们在墨西哥的共犯 We know who their Mexican counterparts were?
有 省很大的员工 Uh, yeah. Advanced solutions employees
亚历山大和罗莎迪亚兹 一对夫妻 Alejandro and Rosa Diaz, husband and wife.
赫苏斯马尔韦德 卡明斯基 One of kaminski's aliases would wire money orders
会用化名寄去汇票总共超过100万美元 换算下来是数不完的比索 totaling well over a million dollars, and that's a lot of pesos.
墨西哥政府会追捕他们吗 Mexican government gonna pursue 'em?
不会 他们人间蒸发了 Nope. Trail's gone cold.
逮捕消息传出后 这两人就消失了 Uh, when news of the arrests broke, these two disappeared.
他们可能正在哪个海滩上喝迈泰 They're probably sitting on a beach somewhere drinking mai tais.
我的律师 这家伙超贵 My lawyer, this super expensive fella,
他的观点挺有意思 sure had an interesting way of looking at things.
你只是钻个小漏洞 All you did was take advantage of a loophole.
控告你剥削的这些公司 These corporations you're accused of exploiting use loopholes all the time
才是一直利用崩坏的体制来钻漏洞 and take advantage of a broken system.
他总是喜欢说 He always liked to say...
就因为别人说什么 不代表是真的 Just because someone says something, doesn't make it true.
妙的是 每当他这样说 The funny thing is, whenever he said it,
几乎每个人都会信以为真 most everyone took it to be fact.
我的客户只是追随成功企业的脚步 My client is just following the lead of a successful corporation.
被告请起立 Will the defendants please rise?
这件案子让我更了解优惠券的事 Through all this, I've learned more about coupons
还有一直受到忽略的国内购物习惯 and america's shopping habits than I ever cared to know.
本庭已考虑此罪的性质和情节 The court has considered the nature and circumstances of the offense
做出强森和卡明斯基的判决 in arriving at a sentence for Ms. Johnson and Mrs. Kaminski.
本庭判被告乔安娜强森 The court sentences the defendant Joanna Johnson
坐牢10天 可暂缓执行 一年缓刑 to ten days in jail suspended and one-year probation.
至于被告康妮卡明斯基 As for the defendant, Connie kaminski,
她会被监禁在亚利桑那看守所 she will be incarcerated in the Arizona department of corrections
刑期11个月 可能假释 for a term of 11 months, with the possibility of parole.
闭庭 That's all.
我的天啊 Oh, my g...
你看看 Well, lookee there.
史上头一遭黑人女性逃过一劫 First time in history a black woman gets off
白人女性要蹲监狱 and a white woman gets to do some time.
那个防损专员说的对 That loss prevention guy was right.
一分钱一分货 You get what you pay for.
不是40年徒刑 只有 Not 40 years to life. Just...
才他妈的11个月 Eleven fucking months!
听着 别说是我讲的 All right. Look, you didn't hear this from me,
我们收到各公司的许多电话说 but we may have received multiple phone calls from numerous corporations,
别让我们的商标上新闻 saying, you know, uh, "we don't want our logo on the news.
我们的股东 别张扬 "Our shareholders... keep it quiet." Oh, god.
总之他们不想追究了 Bottom line, they just want this to go away.
她造成多大的损害 我们就无视法规了 The damage she's done, we're gonna throw the rules out the window?
不重要 光是宝侨就亏损8千万 They don't matter? She cost p&g alone $80 million.
对宝侨和其他公司只是呆账 For p&g and for every other company, this was just a write-off.
她表现好也许只会关8个月 And, uh, it'll probably be eight with good behavior.
天啊 Oh, god.
我的天 我搞不懂 Oh, my god. I-I just... I don't get it.
你是说没辙了 放下吧 结束了 So, uh, you're telling me that's it? Move on, it's over?
认清吧 执法就是这回事 Well, that's all there is. That's law enforcement.
你就尽力而为 肯 尽量公平 You just do the best that you can, Ken. You try to be fair.
遵守法律 一切顺利就能安全回家 You follow the law and if everything goes well, you get to go home safe,
希望是回去找你爱的人 and hopefully to someone that you love.
这提醒我要打给我老婆了 Which reminds me, I need to call my wife.
后会有期 See you later.
天啊 还有一件事 Oh, one more thing. Wow.
我差点忘了 I almost forgot.
日期1918年12月3日 Dated December 3rd, 1918.
"亲爱的李欧 收到霍布克神父捎来的讯息” "My dearest Leo, when word arrived from pastor holbrook
"你的伤不会致命” that your injuries were not life-threatening,
"你正要返家找我们” and that you were on your way back home to us,
"我的心雀跃不已” my heart leapt from my chest.
"艾琳分不出我的泪是喜极而泣” Our little Irene could not decipher my tears as those of pure joy.
"我只希望你启程前收到这封信” My only hope now is that you receive this letter before you depart,
"我的讯息” and that my words will accompany you
"会伴随你艰钜的返家旅程” on your arduous journey back home.
"怀抱慈悲 信仰和爱 玛丽” "With grace, faith and love. Mary."
这是特别给你的 This one's for you.
什么 真的 What? Really?
不是信啦 不能拆散那些信 Oh... not the letter. You can't separate the letters.
它们分开就没意义了 What good would the letters be if they weren't together?
对 信会像档案一样留存 Right. The letters are kind of archival.
我的用意是让你上一课 What I mean is that this lesson is for you.
能让你学到一课 肯 The lesson's for you, Ken.
你是好人 You're a good man.
跟你搭档很愉快 I enjoyed working alongside you.
别鸡蛋里挑骨头 你原本就很棒 Don't go searching for too much. You're pretty great the way you are.
你能破例吗 Could you just make an exception?
那就通融一下 给她折扣 Uh, honor it. Yeah. Give her a discount.
你可能会自问 You may be asking yourself,
在这个事件中谁赢谁输 "who won and who lost through all of this?"
美国邮政调查员申请完成
我想那要由你决定 And I guess that's really for you to decide.
配对成功 寄出讯息
赞啦 Yes!
我和瑞克离婚 Rick and I got a divorce.
我没老公了 So, yeah. I guess I lost my husband.
没啥大不了的 But not in the way you lose something important,
比不上丢掉车钥匙或手机 like your car keys or your cell phone or something like that.
拜托全拿走 我只想摆脱掉 Please, take it all. I just wanna get rid of it.
显然都不需要了 Definitely don't need those.
话别说太满 等你失去就来不及了 Ah, careful now. You don't know what you need till it's gone.
很会讲嘛 你的假释官说的 Sage advice. You get that from your parole officer?
付完巨额律师费 And after paying the fancy lawyer,
我还剩一些钱 we still have a little money left over.
至于裘裘 她终于看出厄尔对她的心意 As for jojo, she finally figured out exactly what Earl was thinking.
黑山 科托湾
你去过黑山吗 Have you ever been to Montenegro?
我们需要那家伙 We need that guy.
省很大公司
为什么是他 Why that guy?
因为他已经在乱来了 'Cause he's already bending the rules.
裘裘说我一定会爱上那里 Jojo says I'm gonna love it when I get there.
其实她已经找到完美地点 In fact, she's already found the perfect spot
作为我们改良的新事业 for our new and improved business.
买一送一企业
对了 你知道黑山跟美国没有引渡条约 Oh, and did you know Montenegro has no extradition to the us?
如果你不幸入狱一阵子 If you ever find yourself doing a stretch in the slammer,
你还是要让每一天活得有价值 you should still try to make every day count.
尤其是最后一天 Especially your last day.
家庭不只重要 更是一切
米高福克斯
有时你回顾过去时会想 Sometimes you look back and you think,
如果那件事没发生 什么都没发生 "well, if that didn't happen and that didn't happen and that didn't happen,
那就成就不了今天的我 I wouldn't be who I am today."
打赌我走一英里都比你跑得快 Betcha I can walk a mile faster than you can run one.
结果是 And it turns out,
你如何到达终点 真的不重要 it really doesn't matter how you get to the finish line.
只要你能到达 Just as long as you get there.
本片献给琼高戴
罗伯麦当劳 西里亚克普拉比